With this ring I thee wed…easy words right? For someone who has never been married before those words are a mystery. You think you know what that band around the finger means but until you have loved that person for better or worse that ring is just that…a ring. For those of us who have been married and it ended like mine…death…not divorce…you know the better and you know the worse. When I stand across from Michael his is the mystery, mine is; will you love me through better or worse, good or bad, sickness and health…because I know it will come. That is the scariest part of saying I Do, knowing those bad days lurch there amongst the good ones. But can we hide behind that as an excuse? Do we protect ourselves from the harsh moments we know are out there? The sad days when our spouse hurts so we hurt with them. Or the mad days when we don’t like each other very much but we look at that band on our finger and we know God put us together, and yes this too shall pass. Because even though I know in my heart I love Michael with every ounce of me there will be days he will annoy me so bad I want to trade him in…and believe me He will have those some days. The circle of life…full circle…thats the band around my finger…or will be come Saturday. So many emotions, happiness, fear, terror, yes I’m scared to death. Nervousness…I’m afraid everything won’t be perfect. In all honestly I wanted to run off or maybe it was really run away. If we had run off, short and sweet, I would not have to feel many of those emotions. I could leave them buried where they could surface later on in marriage lets say our first fight! That would be good! But no, as I sit here wondering will there be enough room to park, enough food, enough cake, will anyone even show up? Will my dress fit? And as of now…no it doesn’t. Thanks to prednisone, but I’m thinking there must be a reason for that too. I just have to relax and let God do his thing. And let Michael do his. Let him enjoy the mystery of what will be. Because in all truth that’s exactly what life is, it's a mystery. We don’t know what lies ahead for any of us. We know there will be ups and downs, laughter and tears, heartbreaks and fears. There will be life and eventually at some point there will be death. I have been blessed, my family has been blessed, to have had such a wonderful man and dad as Danny to our 3 children to share the first half of my life with. God has not sent Michael to us to replace him but to carry on…to share, to love, to live; a hand to hold through the good times and that same hand to hold through the bad. When I get to welcome my first grandchild into this big wide world I want Michael there beside me with all the love I know he has to give a child. And he will, just like he has given that love to my children. Thats what families do. And when Michael says I Do or I reckon, which is what he said he was saying, thats what he is getting; Not a wife, but a family. One that has been broken, wounded, scarred; but with Gods guidance and his timing God is mending us. I have seen it in the last 3 months as we have family dinners, as we sit on the porch and talk about nothing and everything. As we sit at the table and tell funny stories and I listen to giggles of teenagers that I haven’t heard for 3 years, visits to Charleston just to share our life and hers. So when Pastor Vince says the rings please! That is a powerful statement!
When we first were engaged, everyone wanted to see the engagement ring. Well there is no engagement ring. My engagement ring is locked up in a safe. On my first anniversary after Danny died I went to the tattoo parlor got my first tattoo-EVER! Inside of my left ring finger. Closed heart with his heart beat down my finger. That replaced my wedding rings. I took them off. So when Michael asked me to marry him I knew I didn’t want an engagement ring. I wanted INK-permanent-even in death. So on the other side of that ring finger is an open heart with the infinity symbol. Two chapters of my life, one closed the other open. So when Michael slips that band on my finger and we say those words, with this ring I thee wed…that ring will encompass all of me, my closed chapter that Michael has so willingly accepted and has become a part of even before it was closed and yes then his open chapter that remains a mystery. The wedding band, circle of life, full circle…
Matthew 19:6 What God has joined together let not man separate.
