Reflections

Reflecting is not a bad thing.  Now going to the past and dwelling there; that’s a different story.  God gives us memories for a reason.  Some to teach us a lesson;  to learn by.  Some are sad, some are funny, and some are just warm and fuzzy for no reason except to remember and reflect on life...that it was good.  Once upon a time life was warm and life was good.  Sometimes if I shut my eyes when I reflect I can smell things, I can feel little hands inside mine as I remember my kids at various ages in their life...now I hold those tiny hands in my heart where I can take them out and reflect, remember, and never forget.  As Emily prepares for her own adventures as a mother I so want to tell her to slow down and savor every moment!  Even morning sickness, not so pleasant now but one day will be a warm and fuzzy memory of a new life that grew out of love.  When I close my eyes I can feel the pain of the ones I have loved and lost, I can see the anguish on their face but I can also see the sweet release that came when they lost their fight here on earth and joined their heavenly father.  Now thats a warm and fuzzy!  And in the end, if we follow God as he commands we all will welcome that sweet release. 

  2 Corinthians 5:8   To be absent from the body...is to be present with the Lord!   

I guess it is the years end that brings on reflection.  A mark on the calendar; the end of the month of December-the end of the year.  Done with 2015, turn a page and there you have it, all new for 2016...January 1!  A new place to start all fresh and new.  No memories...all new territory.  That is how my life kind of feels like now.  As we put up our tree this year I left all the memories tucked in totes in the garage, we did all new ornaments, all new memories.  But then I realized I don’t want all of my memories in the garage.  So I found myself dragging piece by piece, one at a time, in the house.  Gentle reminders of a beautiful life where love overflowed at not only Christmas but all year long.  I found that you can’t hide those kind of memories away.  They exude out of you everywhere!  When you were-are- loved; people see it!  They feel it!  They know it!  It is almost contagious.  I know there is nothing here on earth that resembles the love Christ has for us, unless it is a mother's love, but when we know love, true love, real love...that’s when Christmas shines through.  That is what Christmas is to me...love.  A love that starts in the heart and gives, not expecting anything in return.  A love that does not question, it just is.  A love that sometimes may trickle a tear down the face just because your heart is so full there is no where else for it to go.  A love that lets you feel the pain and heartache of the one you love.  But to hold on to all the pain is not fair to you, it hinders the way you were meant to live, life to the fullest.  It also hinders the memory of the one you love.  They don’t want to be remembered for the pain that was in their life.  They will want to be remembered for their laughter, their love, they want their life remembered and cherished... not their death.  So as 2015 comes to a close remember this: 

Life is short-live it                                                                                                                                 Love is rare-grab it                                                                                                                             Anger is bad-dump it                                                                                                                            Fear is awful-face it                                                                                                                                Memories are sweet-cherish them                  ----------unknown   

John 3:16  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Merry Christmas 2015

This holiday season so far is like every other; hurry, rush, don’t slow down! As I left work last night I was once again in a hurry. We needed all that wonderful bulk stuff from SAM’s; toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, you all know the list! It’s so hard to squeeze anything in during Christmas, even the routine trips for groceries! It, of course, was dark when I stepped out of the satellite clinic in Alderson but the temp was perfect @ 50 degrees and the Christmas lights in that little town were bright, colorful and “twinkly” yeah I know it isn’t a word but now you understand. I wanted to stop and put all my bags down so I could get a picture to share with Michael but I thought, NO! It will take too much time. I barely turned abound to actually enjoy the view myself. About halfway home I could’e kicked myself for not slowing down. I tried to describe it to Michael but you know what they say, A picture is worth a 1000 words. I didn’t have a thousand words! I couldn't do it justice-shiny and twinkly! By the time we finished grocery shopping, got home and put them away, it was close to midnight. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch by the fire with Michael and share my day. So at 11:45p I laid ;my head on his shoulder on the couch by the fire. For about 15 minutes we slowed down, I thought of all that God does for me on a daily basis; sometimes it is overwhelming. This morning, I have tried to set my alarm just a little but earlier to get a headstart. On my way to work I made the curve right before you get to my church-Meadow Grove. I have looked at the church so many times but today as I gazed at the steeple high in the fog and the frosty mountains behind majestically, standing high; I thought of the people inside the church. I thought of their friendships down through the years. Some new relationships some old. I thought of the love and loss that has went through our church. So many people so many years. So much love so much loss. Each one with their own tales, young and old. I want my kids to make memories that one day they will share with their children. One of my favorite is the Christmas play there we put on. Always a manger scene with Mary and Joseph, in never changed. But when you think about it, did it change? For over 2000 years that story has been the same.

Luke 2:10-11 (NIV)

10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

I can’t imagine the memories she(Mary) had of that day the angel appeared. I know I have my own memories of each one of my children, none like Mary; there were no angels that appeared, but each of them were gifts from God. I prayed and so did Danny, as I am sure did their grandparents. They were not easy pregnancies but in my experience, the best things in life are sometimes hard to come by. And now as an expectant grandmother, I know everything she feels; just as I am sure Mary felt but so much more. God is so good to his children. He wants them to experience everything He has to offer. But sometimes that means there will be growth and with growth that may mean pain. But on the other side of that pain is so much beauty; Beauty for Ashes. He promises….He delivers if we give him time.

Love came down to earth over 2000 years ago and it still comes daily…if we choose to see. Love comes in the face of a new born baby, in the face of a mother and father as they hold their child. The grandmother that has prayed many prayers for her grandchildren. Love is there. The frail and elderly grandfather as he has shared his knowledge, wisdom and yes, love in everything he has passed on to that child….All with love. There is love in the face of a beggar that is cold and alone that dreams of christmas pasts.

1 John 4:8 (NIV)

8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 15:12(NIV)

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

If you aren’t in the mood or perhaps can’t afford to give the gift you had picked out to give to someone…then choose to give the gift of love. It won’t cost you anything and it is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh and chances are you will get it back, maybe when you least expect it and always when you need it the most. Because thats how God works. Nothing mysterious about it! So when you give a little love this Chirstmas, just know you are sharing God, not Christmas spirit, just Jesus and the love he has for us!

Merry Christmas Ya’ll

Happy thanksgiving!

Post your stories!

Apples from Enola Martin Fitzwater!

Long Time No See!!!

Well can you all believe it?  The holidays are around the corner!  Time changes Sunday!  And life goes on....Our poor little blog has been neglected....I admit I have been a little busy and have failed it miserably.  And I must admit...I have missed it.  I have missed catching up with everyone and what is going on in your lives and your kids lives!  And yes Grandkids...My that just sounds like we are getting old.  Speaking of which...I will be 50 in about a month.  I don't think that makes me old...yet...but it sure is making you guys old!  How is it going to sound for y'all when you tell everyone "My baby sister is 50?"  whew!  Im glad thats not Me!  I know with the colder weather and time change you all are going to have a few extra minutes to spare so let me hear from you all on the blog.  Don't be afraid to post those pictures either!  Love to all....Trish

Gods Will

Trust: Gods Will

Each person, individual, is unique.  You are unique in your appearance.  The way you smile, the way you cry, the way you may twitch your nose, your blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, one blue one green!  But we are also unique in how we think, our though process is most often shaped by lives circumstances…I know mine has shaped the way I think.  And many times, more than not, it is FEAR driven.  sometimes I am scared to death to let myself be happy for fear that happiness will be snatched away from me.  Is that living?  Not to the fullest it isn’t!  And did God create us, me, to live in a life of fear waiting for that next tragedy that is going to suck the happiness from my soul?  No He did not but, in my mind, my thought process, this is how I perceive things!

I want to love again and I do.  Everyday I thank God for sending love my way for that 2nd chance; This 2nd chapter of my life.  Sometimes I find myself being normal like everyone else, enjoying life just because.  And then somedays there are these little bumps in the road that to most people are just that…bumps!  But to others who think a little different due to life’s circumstances, these bumps represent mountains that you have already climbed and on the other side it is not what you expected, not what you prayed for but you say well it must’ve been “Gods Will”.  So then why pray?

God is going to do what God wants to do anyway, why should we wear ourselves out begging and pleading for what we know in the pit of our gut is not going to happen anyway.  But we pray anyway….Because it’s what we do.

I prayed for Danny.  Not just here and there but that continual prayer.  I prayed for miracles-THE MIRACLE-healing.  But did I believe it?  In the pit of my gut?  No, I didn’t.  Does that make me a bad person?  Is that why he wasn’t healed?  Because my faith was not what it should’ve been?  Trust me I have been down that road many times.  I remember my sisters praying and they believed.  But not me.  Sometimes I blame that on the medical field knowledge-I knew what the odds were.  I knew the pathology reports, but did I think God couldn’t beat the odds.  Well, in my mind I knew He could, if He wanted.  If it was “Gods Will”.  Sometimes I just don’t understand His Will.  But His ways are higher than ours.  His thoughts higher than ours so should we even try?  I don’t know.  So after that miracle I prayed for didn’t happen, he died, I didn’t, at least not my body; I changed.  I was once again unique-shaped by losing my best friend, my soulmate, my spouse.  My heart was kind of ripped open for a while and as it began to heal I also started putting up these little fences and blockades around my heart, certain areas.  Kind of like the walls of Jericho that Joshua marched around.  Well, I didn’t march around these walls but I certainly have danced around them many times.  Since death stopped at my house, invited himself in and left with part of my heart I have learned to love deeper, harder, stronger; but only where I decided.  Only the walls that I decided… could come down.

Well, then here comes Michael and of course this is unexplored areas of my heart.  Those walls are high, blockaded and barred.  But I so wanted to love so I began to let a little light in through a gate here and there.  Semi living life, still guarding the parts of the heart that gives completely for fear of that visitor, death, coming again.  So in my mind I think I will just not give it all, gonna hold back a little.  That way if anything happens to him like it did Danny, that part of my heart is still sheltered.  Because I just don’t think I could do that again….Well, I could I guess, what choice would I have, but do I want to?  NO!  So therefore I build walls, create a distance, safe distance.  Well how dies that make your mate feel?  Well, lets just say for some, they throw their phone across the room!  Others I’m sure are similar.  Because in marriage you have to give of yourself completely or it just doesn’t work.  And out of fewr you can do some pretty mean things, especially if you feel threatened.  If those places in your heart you are guarding suddenly find themselves laid bare because the walls have crumbled, what then?  You might get hurt?  Yes, but you might also live and love like you have never lived or loved before all because of those same life circumstances.  But now if I find myself in that position again, do I pray?  Do I believe?  Do I have the faith to pray for that miracle?

For the last month I have been getting these words from God, all about His Will.  I long to be in the center of His Will but when it involves losing someone you love I just don’t know if I can pray for it.  As I sat in the bleachers at the civic center at the Extraordinary Womens Conference I listened to Max Lucado talk about the Walls of Jericho and how we need to start tearing down our own walls.  Then I listen as another told about losing her child after birth and how she couldn’t for the longest time pray for a miracle…because He didn’t come through the last time.  He didn’t come through the way we thought He should.  He came through according to His Will, not ours.  His Will is not always the life we think we should have.  His will is the path that we follow no matter where it leads.  We have to trust, a simple 5 letter word, trust that God knows what He is doing; trust that He has a plan, Jeremiah 29:11; trust that the plan He has is in our best interest.  While healing I felt like “yes” I was doing what God wanted me to do.  I felt like I was in Gods will, but I also felt like I was in control… so as long as those two things lined up together?  It’s all good.  But then when I began to lose control but yet God is saying this is my will?  What do I do with that?  Lose control?  Not really an option or at least in my mind anyway.  So here I find myself at that crossroads again, pray for a miracle…but pray for Gods Will too.  Yes, I am trusting that whatever God has planned is best for me.  Trusting that when I pray for that miracle, God hears me and listens to my  prayer.  I know He hears me, He tells me to pray for that miracle, expect, believe and above all else trust Him!  Trust Him with my most prized possessions…those that I love.  Trust Him with the paths we travel, the paths he has already laid out and know that no matter what happens it will work out for my good!

Romans 8:28(KJV)

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 John 2:17New International Version (NIV)

17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

With This Ring...

Mystery…love is a mystery. How we love is mysterious, how we fall in love is mysterious. Sometimes all it takes is a touch of the hand or maybe it is the look across the room. Sometimes it is complicated. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes all we have to do is follow our heart; always follow God. How did I fall in love with you? That in itself is a mystery. Were there fireworks? Was there a moment? Do I know exactly when my heart spoke to yours? No…but I know when my stomach was so full of butterflies that I couldn’t eat. I know when my hands were sweaty and I was afraid to hold your hand. Is this what love feels like? Sometimes I wonder what exactly does love feel like…You make me feel safe and secure. Is this love? Yes…

With this ring I thee wed…easy words right? For someone who has never been married before those words are a mystery. You think you know what that band around the finger means but until you have loved that person for better or worse that ring is just that…a ring. For those of us who have been married and it ended like mine…death…not divorce…you know the better and you know the worse. When I stand across from Michael his is the mystery, mine is; will you love me through better or worse, good or bad, sickness and health…because I know it will come. That is the scariest part of saying I Do, knowing those bad days lurch there amongst the good ones. But can we hide behind that as an excuse? Do we protect ourselves from the harsh moments we know are out there? The sad days when our spouse hurts so we hurt with them. Or the mad days when we don’t like each other very much but we look at that band on our finger and we know God put us together, and yes this too shall pass. Because even though I know in my heart I love Michael with every ounce of me there will be days he will annoy me so bad I want to trade him in…and believe me He will have those some days. The circle of life…full circle…thats the band around my finger…or will be come Saturday. So many emotions, happiness, fear, terror, yes I’m scared to death. Nervousness…I’m afraid everything won’t be perfect. In all honestly I wanted to run off or maybe it was really run away. If we had run off, short and sweet, I would not have to feel many of those emotions. I could leave them buried where they could surface later on in marriage lets say our first fight! That would be good! But no, as I sit here wondering will there be enough room to park, enough food, enough cake, will anyone even show up? Will my dress fit? And as of now…no it doesn’t. Thanks to prednisone, but I’m thinking there must be a reason for that too. I just have to relax and let God do his thing. And let Michael do his. Let him enjoy the mystery of what will be. Because in all truth that’s exactly what life is, it's a mystery. We don’t know what lies ahead for any of us. We know there will be ups and downs, laughter and tears, heartbreaks and fears. There will be life and eventually at some point there will be death. I have been blessed, my family has been blessed, to have had such a wonderful man and dad as Danny to our 3 children to share the first half of my life with. God has not sent Michael to us to replace him but to carry on…to share, to love, to live; a hand to hold through the good times and that same hand to hold through the bad. When I get to welcome my first grandchild into this big wide world I want Michael there beside me with all the love I know he has to give a child. And he will, just like he has given that love to my children. Thats what families do. And when Michael says I Do or I reckon, which is what he said he was saying, thats what he is getting; Not a wife, but a family. One that has been broken, wounded, scarred; but with Gods guidance and his timing God is mending us. I have seen it in the last 3 months as we have family dinners, as we sit on the porch and talk about nothing and everything. As we sit at the table and tell funny stories and I listen to giggles of teenagers that I haven’t heard for 3 years, visits to Charleston just to share our life and hers. So when Pastor Vince says the rings please! That is a powerful statement!

When we first were engaged, everyone wanted to see the engagement ring. Well there is no engagement ring. My engagement ring is locked up in a safe. On my first anniversary after Danny died I went to the tattoo parlor got my first tattoo-EVER! Inside of my left ring finger. Closed heart with his heart beat down my finger. That replaced my wedding rings. I took them off. So when Michael asked me to marry him I knew I didn’t want an engagement ring. I wanted INK-permanent-even in death. So on the other side of that ring finger is an open heart with the infinity symbol. Two chapters of my life, one closed the other open. So when Michael slips that band on my finger and we say those words, with this ring I thee wed…that ring will encompass all of me, my closed chapter that Michael has so willingly accepted and has become a part of even before it was closed and yes then his open chapter that remains a mystery. The wedding band, circle of life, full circle…

Matthew 19:6 What God has joined together let not man separate.

Rehearsal cookout!

Just a reminder. Cookout at church 7pm!! Friday night!!

My Fairy Tale...August 1st 2pm

My Fairy Tale

A tale as old as time,

true as it can be,

barely even friends

then somebody bends

unexpectedly

Just a little change

small, to say the least

both a little scared

neither one prepared

…..beauty and the beast

Ever just the same

ever a surprise

ever as before

ever just as sure

as the sun will rise

Tale as old as time

tune as old as song

bittersweet and strange

finding you can change

learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun

Certain as the sun

Rising in the east 

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast…

My tale is no different than many of yours.  Love stories are kind of like testimonies, everyone has one.  When god does something for us we are so excited to share our blessings we tell it in church, at the doctors office, at the grocery store, yes even at Wal Mart.  Well love stories are no different.  We want to tell everyone we meet.  After all…We were created to serve God, but God still wants you to enjoy life and to have someone to share life with.

1 Timothy 6:17 NIV

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

When it’s a love story from God, well thats double the fun.  We are gonna tell it!  To everyone!  So many of you have carried my burdens with me; some of you have carried them for me, I will never ever be able to repay you all for the love, support and prayers that have been offered on my families behalf. But I feel like I owe you all “the rest of the story”…..My story.

As with anyone when you lose a spouse you wonder how you can ever go on living…but you do.  Often times it is the repetitive movement of breathing in and out that helps us survive.  But survive we do.  Then we go from wondering can we go on living to, can we ever love again.  I was blessed to have had that conversation with Danny.  With a terminal diagnosis of cancer it gives all those involved time to say everything.  We had that talk.  Yes, he wanted me to move on.  And Just thinking back to that day brings tears to my eyes because in that instant it was like time was standing still; How does a heart love another?  It was difficult to even think much less talk about.  Not until last month when I was faced with a decision to move on and live or stay where I was and suffocate did I learn that not only did Danny and I have that conversation but Danny had that conversation with Tanner.  He told him about one month before he died that he wanted me to move and and when I did he was supposed to make sure he was good to me good to my kids.  I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that was for Danny to tell Tanner, and just as equally hard for Tanner to hear it.  When someone dies there is no replacing them.  We don’t even try.  I didn’t try.  I just wanted someone to share with.  Share laughter, share dinner, share life.  Plain and simple.  I was tired of being alone.  When I went to Hawaii that felt like the whole reason for my trip.  I felt like God was telling me now is the time…move forward.  So when I came back I decided thats exactly what I was going to do.  But how?  So I said “God if thats what I am to do…you have to do it!”  God has done so much for me from little to huge.  Why should I worry about it?  So my first day back to work I had a patient who suggested I go out with her brother.  Coincidence?  I think not!  After all this is God we are talking about.  And thats exactly what I thought, this must be God.  So I tossed the idea around.  Saying you are ready to move on and actually moving on are entirely different things.  I was in the nurses station tossing this idea around to the other nurses.  And while I am telling them about my patient, Michael Neal just so happens to be there.  Listening.  He goes back to his desk and then comes back and says, “I think you need to tell your patient to mind their own business!” and then leaves!  Alrighty then!  Ten minutes later here he comes again, “can I talk to you?”,  OK

He says, “What if I was going to ask you out?”……and here we are.

1st Corinthians 13:4-7 says Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, It does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.  In other words….Love never fails!

Its funny how God works.  He doesn’t just work on my problems, he worked on Michaels too.  When I prayed for someone  to love, I prayed for specifics, I prayed for a godly man.  I have been trying to get Michael back into church since I started at RMC 2 years ago.  No luck.  So I prayed for him, because thats what we do when we are burdened for someones soul.  We can’t do much, but God can.  So he asks, “what are you doing Sunday?”  wait for it…wait for it…

“Duh Michael…Its Sunday I’m going to church!”  In order to be serious about me you have to be serious about God!  I set standards for myself, I think we all do.  We do that by past experiences.  We eliminate certain things because we were once hurt by them.  So I asked him to church and he accepted.  See God can perform miracles.  Church, Panera Bread, and a long walk.  Perfect date…No hand holding- no kiss- that was weird.  Baby steps. Does a person ever set out to fall in love?  Some people I have met fall in love with falling in love.  I liked being in love, I like commitment and what it means…til death do us part.  I just don’t like the death part.  And because of the death part, falling in love was scary.  I thought I was safe because Michael made me laugh.  He was funny, he was nice, he was safe.  That first date was fun.  Nothing awkward except church.  In a church that only knew Trish and Danny it felt different even to me to be Trish and Michael…but our church has so many new faces the majority of them didn’t know Trish and Danny, all they have known is Trish; sad only one on  her pew.  So that hurdle was crossed.  It was all uphill from there.  To say you don’t have control over who your heart loves is an understatement.  I had no intention of falling in love.  I wanted to laugh and have fun.  But hiding behind a lot of laughter was a serious side of Michael that I didn’t expect to find.  Well, it didn’t take long for me to fall in love.  After all we were already best friends.  How many times did I cry on his shoulder in the last 2 years about my lost love?  How many times did he help me grieve?  He knew my deepest fears and my deepest sorrows.  He knew what a mess I was but here he came with an outstretched hand saying will you take a chance.  And I have to say after that first date, the anticipation of that first date rather, there was nothing awkward.  It felt as comfortable as an old shoe.  Only now we were a pair.  For someone to be single for 51 years and all of a sudden say….hmmmmm I think I want to settle down now!  Makes a person wonder.  But then I remember all of Gods promises to me and Michael as well.  Here is a man who lost his dad at an early age, surrounded by sisters and a mother trying to provide for her children, much like me.  He stayed by her side, cared for her until she could no longer fight her battle of cancer.  Thats been 6 years.  6 years he has lost his only companion he ever knew.  His best friend.  So for whatever reason  God brought us together 2 years ago at RMC, I am thankful.  He put me in Michaels path everyday.  The crazy red headed nurse with multiple personalities that needed a friend and he was there.  Six months ago we thought maybe we would go out.  Just for fun.  He wasn’t ready, neither was I.  It didn’t happen.  I was scared, he was terrified.  After Hawaii things changed.  I  changed.  I let go of a lot of my past.  I didn’t forget it.  But I let it go and there is freedom and a new sense of life that comes with that.  A lighter step, instead of walking on egg shells I sometimes feel as if I’m walking on stars…dancing from star to star.

Proverbs 16:3  Commit to the Lord whatever you do and He will establish your plans

2 Corinthians 5:7 We walk by faith not by sight

Walk a mile in my shoes….and in the last 3 years I have walked many miles.  I have worn out many shoes.  I have wondered not worried, about what people have thought about every decision I have made; Every minor decision every major decision.  Many people have come and gone in my life.  Some have come to stay and feel like they have always been there.  Others barely cross my path but God has put them there for a reason.  Perhaps a word; a smile; a change of path.  Only God knows and I embrace it.  I learn from it and move on.  There are so many questions….Some easy to answer .  Am I in love with Michael?  yes  Is Michael in love with Trish? Yes,  Does it seem like its way to fast?  Sometimes yes  Does it seem like it took forever?  Sometimes yes.  Does it seem like a fairy tale come true?  Sometimes yes  Does it seem like God has answered our prayers?  In his time not ours?  Yes…always  

If I let myself think back over the last 5 years they are all a blur.   Daddy died March 2010, Mommy died Dec 2010, Danny started getting sick Jan 2011, his illness and eventual death Aug 2012 and then the last 3 years grieving and wondering what next, how do I go on?  And through it all always praying always expecting alway hoping.  So I should not be surprised when He aligns the stars, even the ones I am dancing on, for me and Michael to proceed to the next chapter of our life.  Happy and whole.  Happiness is a funny thing.  We don’t always feel like we deserve it.  We feel like its for someone else.  Sometimes we are just afraid of it.  But I had happiness once.  I embraced it.  I took it for granted.  I was lazy about it.  I thought it would always be there.  This time as happiness knocks on my door I am inviting it in.  I feel like it is fragile.  I want to embrace it but at the same time I am afraid it will disappear, I am afraid that death will once again show up just because it can.  We see death everyday, every one of us young and old.  Some more serious than others but it is still death.  As children we see death of plants, pets, and some even see parents and siblings die.  We all know its a circle of life but it never ever prepares us when it's our turn.  Either to lose that loved one or if it's actually our turn to  die. The one thing I have prayed for and received is peace with the departure. You never get over it, you never stop missing them, your heart always aches for that special smile or that look or that word-always!  But God can give you peace.  He has given me peace.  And in my heart there will always be a place called Trish and Danny.  When I look at my kids there is no denying the love and life we had.  Our church, our community; the mark we left as a couple will always go on in someones memory, heart and thats how it should be.  Just because you lose a partner, or parent or sibling that does not mean love dies.  It is temporarily suspended.  But God is so good and merciful and he loves us so much he wants only good for us.  He waited for just the right moment and sent Michael my way.  Michael has his own story to tell, how he got where he did.  You don’t go along 51 years and never marry and just wake up one day and say “yes today is the day I think I will marry Trish!”  God does miracles but more to the story….our story.  I have always been fascinated with fairy tales.  When I was young my sister Ruth bought me a fairy tale book, I still have it.   I could hide away in the pages of the story and my imagination would take me places.  It wasn’t always about love, but there was always an adventure.  Life is an adventure.  Sometimes when death interrupts life you stop living, your adventure stops.  I found myself retreating into pages of a fairytale.  I could feel safe there.  I looked for love, happiness all those things you find in a fairytale.  Then I noticed myself turning from the fairy tale book to the Bible.  Thats where my adventure really was.  God had everything laid out for me.  And it was real.  Jeremiah 29:1 He promised me he had a plan and I have held so tight to that promise that I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing me recite it.  Before Danny died when someone would ask me my favorite verse I would say I don’t have one.  They are all good verses.  Everyone!  Now…I have certain verses that have brought me out of a lot of despair and darkness.  Without those verses I don’t know how I would've made it.  God would send what I needed when I needed it.  I could feel hi speak those words as if he was right beside me.

Isaiah 40:31 is another verse that has brought me so much comfort.  Wait upon the Lord to renew your strength and then soar like eagles.  The word of God is so alive, it amazes me every time I read a scripture and it affects me!  It is working out my problems my trials at that moment.  these are worlds that were spoken so long ago but it is still alive today!  If we wait on Gods time He saves us the best.  Sometimes we go through so much pain and then we add the pain of waiting…it seems we will never bounce back.  But we do.  God sends exactly what we need.  In my case he sent Michael at exactly the right time.  Gods time.  It doesn’t make the last few years fade or change them in anyway, but it does change how I view the future…my future…our future…Trish and Michael!

Wedding

Hey guys!  I'm down to the wire!  I will be posting stuff on here if that's the best place. Please chime in so I at least know if this is where I need to post stuff!  I'll post details later. 12 days.... Hard to believe! 😊 God is good❤️ of course you all know that!!

Seth Fitzwater

Michaels uncle passed away and his services are today. Yall say prayers for him!

Congratulations Trish to you and Michael! Wonderful news. Glad for you both. Julie and I will be praying for you both. Tanner, Emily, and Jacob, we will be praying for you in this as well. God knows all things and I also believe He does things in His time. I am happy for you and since Michael was a good friend of Danny and you, I believe Danny would also be happy with your decision. He would not want you to be lonely and forced to do things the rest of your life on your own . . . and your kids will eventually all leave home and you will be by yourself. And when they think about that, they will not want you to be all alone either. Michelle had seen your announcement on Facebook and told me about it. I don't do Facebook although Tarin does. I love you and wish you and Michael the best. I look forward to meeting him. David

August 1...Trish and Michael

So I am sure by now some of you have heard I am getting married August 1!  But if you haven't, I am.  I have known Michael Neal since high school.  He worked with Danny years and years ago at Express Mart.  When I came to Rainelle Medical Center he was there everyday working in the office.  When I got ready for work every morning I asked God if today was going to be the day I was going to meet the one he had planned for me.  Little did I realize the one he planned was cracking jokes at me every morning while I looked for another.  That verse in Jeremiah 29:11 that says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans not to harm you but for a hope and a future" is what I held on to.  I have waited and waited sometimes patiently...sometimes not so much.  But I always knew whatever God wanted for my life would be perfect...whether it is what I wanted or not.  When I went to Hawaii I knew it was for a reason because He opened all the doors for me to get there...even paid for the trip!  When I was there I dreamed of Danny and in that dream I knew it was time for me to move on.  Now I have been thinking there was something wrong with me all this time because no one has asked me out.  I mean no one!  I was beginning to get a complex, but I also thought, God was protecting me.  He didn't want me to go through heartbreak after heartbreak because my heart is right out there.  Wide open and vulnerable, ready to love but yet afraid to.  So when I came back from Hawaii, Michael asked me out.  And since I knew God said its time, I figured what the hay.  It would be fun.  That first date included church.  We decided we would take it very slow.  So by the end of the first week we moved from taking it slow to setting a wedding date.  I know its sudden and fast and probably a little crazy but when God gives you a second chance at love its hard not to grasp it and run away.  It was almost like God was saying OK you did what I asked, you waited patiently and now its time.  I can hear him in my head saying hurry up what are you waiting for! He said its OK!  There is a lot of adjusting to do.  He has never been married.  His Dad died when he was 13.  He has taken care of his Mom until 6 years ago when she died.  So it is his turn, just like it is mine, to live.  I have not laughed as much as I have laughed in.....Oh I can't even remember....but it feels good.  We will live at  my house...I doubt I will send out individual invitations but I will put one on the blog.  August 1, 2015 2pm at our church at Meadow Grove!  I hope you all can come.  I would like to know of about how many just for food preparations.  I would never be where I am today without the love and support and prayers you have given me and the kids.  This is hard for them so please continue to lift those prayers up.  Life is not an easy road and sometimes the harder it is the better it gets.  To have a love like me and Danny had is nothing short of a miracle from God in todays world where everything is treated as disposable...even relationships.  But God is merciful and kind and by the Grace of God He is giving me that love again.  My heart is big enough for both.  I love you guys and please welcome Michael to our family...by the way...he loves to cook!  He will fit right in.

Trish

It looks so clean over there! The rock sure looks volcanic!