Thursday, December 25, 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014
One Day...I pray
I see the store windows all lit up with trees and garland, christmas balls and artificial snow. I hear the Christmas music as I browse around in all the stores. The temperatures are cold and yes there is even snow. There are Christmas cards in my mailbox. There are Christmas cookies in my kitchen. There are even a few Christmas presents waiting to be wrapped. On Sunday mornings we have lit the Advent candle for 3 weeks now. We have even sang some Christmas carols. I have seen an occasional Santa and an elf or two at the mall. If I turn on the TV I can find a Christmas movie on about any channel. When I went to the grocery store this week, I could barely find what I needed because all the aisles were over loaded with Christmas items to bake, make or create! So why can’t I find Christmas? It sounds as if there should be no problem right? Well I see it and I hear it everywhere but…I don’t feel it. And trust me I am trying really really hard. I definitely don’t feel it in the shopping mall. Anyone and everyone that works in retail are over worked so they don’t have any extra cheer or Christmas spirit to spare! Even in the work place,, there is so much drama always going on in peoples own lives there is not much Christmas spirit. I am rarely home, by the time I put in my 10 hour work day, there is definitely no time for Christmas cheer. No time to decorate a tree and no desire. So I begin to wonder if it’s just me or is it the way of the world?
Am I becoming the Grinch or Scrooge? And you know what really troubles me is that I can’t even feel Christmas in church. I just can’t feel…maybe that’s my problem. What am I expecting to feel? Maybe I am expecting too much? I don’t know, but I don’t think I can expect anything less than this!
When I am shopping I expect to feel the smiles and kindness from those that are working and yes even from those other fellow shoppers. When they say excuse me I expect them to mean it and not run over me as they pass by with no regard to anyone. I expect to feel that special magical christmas love that appears every year during the holiday season otherwise known as the love of Jesus. Thats what I am missing. It has been rare that I have felt that this year from anyone anywhere. We have all become so busy with life, the hustle and bustle, the commercialism of Christmas has replaced the simplicity of Christmas.
Psalm 147:3(KJV)
3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
Where have the days gone when all we cared about was sitting by the tree with someone you loved, sharing a memory, a piece of pie, cup of coffee, warmth of a fire. There are no more large family dinners where we all can meet, eat and greet without cell phones. What has happened to face to face conversations? As much as I am attached to my phone, even I recognize this. And, yes, I have to admit, I miss those days. Most of all what I miss is the love I could feel when I walked in mommy and daddys house. Maybe thats why I can’t feel Christmas anymore. When mommy and daddy died that is when Christmas began to die for me and now without Danny…that was the clincher. I don’t feel…or when I do feel it is sadness, regret, despair and tears, always lots of tears. Don’t get me wrong, feeling is better than being numb and not feeling. But I am so ready to “feel” Christmas!
I am finding more and more that there are more people like me that aren’t “feeling Christmas” than there are actually as happy as they appear. So many have lost loved ones and they are always remembered at Christmas time. The most wonderful time of the year! I don’t think so! It has become the busiest yet emptiest holiday for me. And church used to be my safe haven. Now I can’t even “feel” Christmas there. I know Jesus is there and I hear Him talking to me. He tells me to Be Still get quiet and listen to what he has to tell me. Well I have turned off the radio in the car when I drive just so I can hear him. I have turned off the music at night when I go to bed, just so I can hear him. I have turned it off almost completely when I walk; that was hard because I like my music! I can’t say I have heard him extra, but I have heard him talking to me. He talks but not necessarily what I want to hear! So do I turn the music back on? Is that what we do when we don’t like the answers to our prayers, we turn him off, just like the radio. Or I guess we just turn everything else back on in order to turn Him off. I think I will leave the music off because I would like to see where He is leading me. Where do these avenues go? I’m sure I don’t know but He is telling me!
Hebrews 11:1(KJV)
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
What is your reason for celebrating Christmas this year? Is it to hide the elf on the shelf? Is it to DVR every Christmas Hallmark movie? Maybe it’s to get your family together to eat turkey and watch The Christmas Story? Maybe it’s to make sure everything happens at just the right moment at church. Children's plays, choir cantatas, parties, Santa, dinners; because after all isn’t it all about the socialization? I have never been surrounded by so many people and felt so alone.
John 14:1-3 (KJV)
14 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
I can imagine in that big house with all those rooms, I won’t even feel lonely there. That place will be so filled with his presence that lonely won’t even be a word there.
Psalm 25:16-17 (ESV)
16
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses.
I think, as I look for Christmas I have to look within my own heart. Deep inside it locked away are Christmas memories from when I was probably 10. I remember sneaking under the tree in the wee hours of the morning with Steve and unwrapping gifts and wrapping them back! It wasn’t much, one year a toboggan and scarf, but it was the thrill of unwrapping it. Then as I got older my memories are of family being together, big dinners, lots of love from mommy and daddy. Such wonderful aromas that floated through that house. And mommy would always greet you with a smile and a hug. Always.
Even deeper locked away are my memories, my married memories. Danny's favorite time was Christmas. I never really had to do much because he enjoyed it so. I remember Emily’s first Christmas, she was 6 months old. She laid under the tree and he was determined that I would wrap every present for her. So on Christmas morning there we were again under the tree, unwrapping every present for her. One year as the kids were older he planned a scavenger hunt for their gifts. They had to search for every one. But I like to keep those memories locked away. They are happy memories and when I bring them out, they make me sad.
Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)
3
You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
My prayer is that I can keep that memory, his legacy, alive. Keep it happy. I pray that I don’t dwell on my sadness or the huge hole it has left in my heart and my life.
Romans 15:13 (NLT)
13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Deeper still inside my heart is all the love I have stored up that has been given to me. From mommy and daddy and all of my family, from Danny- and thats a huge storage- from my kids, my church family and then from the most loving Heavenly Father anyone could ask! He loves me no matter what I do! Oh how he loves!
Psalm 103:3-5 (MSG)
3-5
He forgives your sins—every one.
He heals your diseases—every one.
He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence
As I attempt to celebrate Christmas, I go through a lot of motions because that is what is expected of me. I also go through a lot of emotions. But there are some motions I just don’t do anymore. I don’t do christmas cards just for the sake of sending christmas cards. I do try to reach out to my friends and family and an occasional stranger. But until you have sat down and tried to write out at least 100 cards and put everyones name there except the one you love the most, you will never understand. I wish I could write a card without that empty feeling…one day I pray…one day. I don’t put up a tree. I enjoy everyone else's tree, but mine is tucked away in the garage with all the ornaments…and memories. One day though…I pray…one day. I don’t really do a lot of gifts…that was Danny's joy! If I have something to give you, trust me, I won’t wait til Christmas!
What I do enjoy at Christmas is going to candlelight service. That is my favorite service of the year. Its dark, quiet and…well it’s just beautiful. There are no expectations just reflection. No performance, just meditation. No gifts to deliver just His presence to be thankful for. Of course I enjoy time with my family but I enjoy that every time we are together, not just at Christmas time. I enjoy the magic spirit that comes down at Christmas time, but at the same time it saddens me as I wonder why can’t people have that same spirit the whole year through.
The simple spirit that lets one friend buy another friend a Coke just because. Or how a stranger gave me her ink pen just because I told her how I liked it…it wrote so smooth! These little random acts can mean the difference between someone having a terrible horrible rotten day or someone having a ray of hope shine on them. As I went about my day amidst all the craziness of shoppers everywhere, I was reminded by these little acts of love that all hope is not lost. That people still do care about one another. That even with all the commercialism, folks are still sharing the love of Christ.
As I delivered fruit baskets from the church to the shut in and elderly, I was once again reminded how Jesus loves us, all of us. As I sat and shared stories with many, they each have their own trial; Their own set of tears that we shared. As I entered each home, I wondered would this be their last? So many so frail, some have seen so many Christmas’! Many just here waiting to be reunited with spouses, children, parents, the list goes on and on. The way my heart aches at times I can’t imagine how some of them feel. But He gives us the promise of life eternal. One day to be reunited. If we can only trust him to do what we know he will do! And that’s what is best for us. Sometimes it’s so hard to just wait. And to be still…
Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
My Christmas Wish, my prayer, for you is to find your Christmas and feel it with all your heart and soul. But after you find it I pray that you will share it with your neighbor, your family, the stranger down the street, everyone you meet. Don’t tuck it away when you take down your tree. Don’t hide it away in the garage with your memories like I do. Because Christmas is all in the heart, that’s where it starts. Thats where Jesus lives and we have to share His love all year. As I search for my Christmas, I am praying for each of you. You won’t get a Christmas card and probably no Christmas present from me, but be sure you will have prayers said on your behalf at Christmas and all year long. I pray for your health, I pray for peace in your homes, I pray that you experience the laughter of a child at least once as it has magic in it! No matter what you are going through, the laughter of a child is like balm to a sore.
Remember as you celebrate Christmas, Jesus came to earth as a baby and was a child with that same magical laughter. Laugh with someone this Christmas no matter your circumstances. I plan on making new memories and lots of laughter. although I am sure the tears will come, they won’t stay. And that is how it should be. Remember the ones we loved and lost with a few tears and lots of laughter.
Isaiah 9:6(KJV)
6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 19, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Christmas/New years family gathering
We are going to be having our family gathering on Saturday January the 3rd around 1:00. Bring your favorite dish and drink of your choice. Hope to see everyone here on the 3rd. Love and God bless
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Once Upon A Time...
Once upon a time…we have all started a story like this at one time or another. When I was a kid I used to listen to my mom tell me stories that began like this. Thinking back at these stories I am sure she made them up as she told them. Why? Because I did the same thing with my kids. Sometimes I started with one fairy tale and ended with another. But they all started with once upon a time. Even now when I have little ones one of my biggest blessings is to tell a story. It is often a fairy tale with once upon a time and always ends with a happily ever after…always happily ever after. In the middle of the fairy tale there is something to overcome, whether it be a monster or just a bad day. And yes there is always a princess or a prince. After Danny died, the fairy tale took on a whole new meaning. Every day I thought of my fairy tale that once was…Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they have children, they are blessed by God but the happily ever after? Where is that? I kind of gave up on a fairy tales for a while…there was no happily ever after. Or at least thats what I thought.
2 Corinthians 5:
17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!
I did not have my happily ever, because I am still here. But Danny did get his. None of us know what we will have to go through by the time our happily ever after arrives. But Danny was so ready for his. He told me on Wednesday before he died on Friday he was ready to go home, he was so tired. So as we wait, there is all this in between. Is it happy in between or is it depressing sadness we endure until we get our happily ever after? I am asking because I want to know, from the experienced griever!
Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.
Why does God allow us to suffer? And more importantly, why does God allow those we love to suffer? We watch them struggle, often knowing there is no hope…No hope for tomorrow, no hope for healing of our earthly body. But I am reminded every day that my hope is in the Lord. He will put an end to all of our suffering. Our ultimate healing will be when we are done with this old body and we are in the presence of Jesus! Sometimes I get so home sick to go already. I can remember my Mom talking about getting homesick to go to heaven. When she would talk about it she would have tears in her eyes and a hope in her voice that I did not understand. I often thought she had to be a little crazy to want to die and go to Heaven. But after Mommy and Daddy died and then Danny…I find myself with that same longing in my voice, my heart and those same tears. And I really don’t care how I get there. I don’t care what I have to go through either. But watching those you love go…thats a different story. But I had to remind myself as each one that I loved went that road and journey…I had to remind myself what was waiting for them and when I did I could find myself longing for it. The last week of daddy’s life he was bed bound and didn’t respond much except to pain. The last 2 hours I sat by his bedside and he did not respond except to breathe. As each breath became more shallow he slipped closer and closer to heavens gates. He began to get cold, his earthly body. His skin began to mottle…he was just going through the motions to leave earth and enter Heaven. After he began his final breathing I held his hand and I know he didn’t know I was there, he was cold. But in that last moment of his life here on earth a single tear slipped down from his eyes. I know in my heart that is the moment he met the master. Within seconds his breathing stopped and he was gone.
2 Corinthians 5:6-8
6 Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:
7 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)
8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
I didn’t have the pleasure to walk with Mommy her final steps but my sisters did so I know she was in good hands. Mommy was ready to go home the day daddy died. You don’t live with and love someone for 70 years and then just let them go. Danny and I didn’t even have half that time and I still wonder how to do it some days. But Mommy had that hope and promise that she would see Daddy and her loved ones again. That kept her going. I imagine her last days were filled with so much excitement of seeing everyone that was waiting on her she just kinda forgot about us here. Dementia had stolen her mind but deep inside I know she was there. Occasionally we could see her. One day I visited and I said do you know who I am? And with that big smile that reached to the heart she said, “well I don’t know which one you are but you are one of mine!” That’s all I needed; that was enough. But just imagine when we get to Heaven Jesus is going to know each one of us, our names, every hurt we have ever had, every tear we ever cried, shoot He even bottled them up for us. Now I call that taking care of the particulars!
Since we are speaking of fairy tales. Just imagine when we get to Heaven and we are walking the streets of gold with our Heavenly Father. As we leisurely stroll and chit chat, we come across a cottage and we enter. I imagine He will have to duck his head to enter in. Maybe its a straw hut with a cottage door, looks like one room but after you enter there are miles and miles of nothing but bottled tears all labeled with our names. Separated into groups; tears of joy, sadness, mad tears, tears cried from pain, silly tears. I have cried them all…which ones will be mostly on my shelf? Right now I am afraid the sad ones are winning that race. But thats the good thing about fairy tales. My happily ever after hasn’t happened yet. And what about these tears I call spirit tears? Sometimes when I pray and worship I cry, but I am not sad, not really happy, but “holy “ tears run down my cheeks. When I don’t know what to pray or how to pray…I cry those tears and He understands every single tear drop and He is saving them in a bottle. THATS the tears I want mostly on my shelf. Because as long as I am spending my time with Jesus my happily ever after is guaranteed and it makes my happily in between mean so much more than just making me happy. Sure I want to be happy but thats just an emotion. I want to make a difference for someone. I want to let the light of Jesus shine through me and help somebody. I want to help them to get past those tears of sadness and sorrow or perhaps tears of grief. I want to help people find those tears of joy and happiness even silliness. Because I am finding new things every day to laugh at til I cry. I always manage to shed those sad tears and yes still crying those tears of grief. I have found when I can cry with someone who has been through the same thing as me it helps us both. This week I had that opportunity and since I don’t believe in coincidences I know it was God. One of the patients, not even mine, but that patient needed something that I could help them with and don’t you know, he told me right off that his wife passed away during the summer. Well that opened up a whole conversation. And yes I told him where my hope was from, Jesus Christ! His was too. I told him as I started in my 3rd Thanksgiving without Danny it felt like the first. There is no difference. I talk to people who have lost loved ones and 10 years feels the same as one. But looking in from the outside, people think its better because of time. I smile more and cry less….well most days.
Praise him anyway! I am sure you all have heard that. Maybe when you were going through your darkest hour. If you can just learn to praise him no matter what your circumstance, it will make your circumstance so much better. As I was growing up I can remember various trials and struggles Mommy went through and so many times right in the middle of her storm I can recall finding her in the kitchen with arms stretched high praising God. No matter what was coming at her! It didn’t matter, she praised God no matter what. It reminds me of Paul and Silas when they were thrown into prison after being beaten. Chained with what appeared no hope and what do they do? They prayed to God and began to sing his praises. Their chains were loosed and they were free.
Acts 16:25-26King James Version (KJV)
25 And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.
26 And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.
I know that my God is the same today as He was for Paul and Silas. So many times I imprison myself. I create my own chains and often I see no hope, no chance of escape. We all have our own prisons and sometimes they are in our own minds but they are just as real as Paul and Silas’ wounds and bleeding stripes from their flogging they received by the crowd. If only we can raise our hands and look to the Heavens and Bless his name, our chains will fall away, everything that is keeping us imprisoned; grief, addictions, jealousy, hatred, pain- there is no limit with God. Sing his praises and praise Him anyhow! Sometimes when I do that I can feel the chains of bondage fall away, I feel that little spark of hope ignite and begin to burn. There is always hope. As the Christmas Season approaches I find myself falling into that black hole. As hard as I try to stay out of it I slip. I feel like Paul and Silas. Sometimes I can feel the sting of the open wounds, still there. I try to keep busy, Lord knows I do not have idle hands or thoughts. How long? I am ready! I praise Him anyhow, everyday, no matter what comes I lift my hands. I wish I could say that the wounds are healed, but they are not. Will they ever be? No I don’t think so. Does life go on? Yes it does. Somedays I can honestly say the only way I get through the day is by prayer. Memories overwhelm me and tears flow for what was and will never be again. I still find myself wanting to share my day with him. I often seek his approval in my life. I wonder what would he think of the way my life is turning and twisting.
Psalm 143:8 (NIV)
8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
But since Danny can’t tell me I ask God. The Holy Spirit has been an ever present friend and one I have come to rely on since Danny died. I should have relied on him before but truthfully I didn’t. When I did something I prayed about it but then usually did what I wanted to do or was going to do anyway. Not anymore! I can’t even get out of bed and ready for work without praying about it first. I literally have trouble putting one foot in front of the other without guidance from above.
2 Corinthians 1:12(NIV)
12 Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity[a] and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace.
Regardless of your circumstances and how you feel, hang on to Gods unchanging character. Gods grace is still Gods grace. It doesn’t change.
As I search for my happily ever after I know I will get there…eventually but what I desperately want to know is the how and when!
John 10:3(NIV)
3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.
My shepherd is calling my name and I know his voice and I’m learning every day! He is leading me where I need to go. I just pray I don’t miss it! This is an exciting journey, but sometimes anxiety overwhelms me from not knowing. I let my eyes falter. I lose sight kind of like Peter when he walked on the water. I know what I have to do but I’m human and humans forget so remind me! Simple as that…remind me! Remind me that in life the harder we try, the more opposition we meet. Remind me that I don’t do things for me, or the church, I do them for God. I need reminded that in the big scheme of things the BIG picture, that all these little struggles we worry and fret over? They mean nothing. And even on our worst day ever, there is always someone somewhere that is having it just a little worse. On my worse day ever, Danny went to Heaven. Its hard to even say that to make it sound bad. That is his happily ever after, not mine. Mine is still out there…somewhere waiting to happen. In the meantime, I will celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I do not enjoy Christmas for what it is today; hustle and bustle, overwhelming schedules, spending money I don’t have, but I will do what I enjoy and do it where I feel the most peace, church. I will sing in that heavenly choir, teach those young minds and hearts the true meaning of Christmas and I will try my hardest to share the love of Jesus no matter what the devil throws at me. Because my happily ever after does not include sitting back and letting him win. And it definitely doesn’t mean sitting down and doing nothing. I will do what God asks me to do. The answer is yes…No matter what He asks…the answer is yes. That will be my happily ever after.
Isaiah 10:27 (KJV)
27 And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.
2 Corinthians 7:1 (KJV)
7 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
The Heart Nose
The Heart Nose!
As I entered the fellowship hall that morning, I was greeted by an array of aromas. Soup was on the menu for Pastor Appreciation Day and our church really knows how to cook. The smells of chili, potato soup, chicken noodle, vegetable soup, cornbread, pumpkin pie, and my favorite- peanut butter fudge; all filtered right into the nose. If I could gain weight by smelling, I would be 500#! It doesn’t take long for those smells to go to the stomach. As with any celebration we center it around our meal. We laugh over food, we celebrate over food, and yes when someone dies, what do we do? We cook; so we cry over food. Something about smelling that food that comforts us. Maybe when a tragedy happens and people; friends and neighbors, bring food it helps us remember the good times, the celebrations, the laughter that was shared over the same dishes.
When I lift the lid on a pot the first thing I do is smell whats inside. Don’t you? Sure we are gonna taste it, but first…the smell. When I smelled potato soup and cornbread, that smell didn’t go to my stomach it went to my heart. I can remember 2009 when I was sick, pneumonia I believe, my mom called me. She already had some mild dementia but was still able to do most of what she wanted with a little help. When I smelled that, it took me right back as if it was yesterday. Mommy would always make me potato soup and cornbread when I was sick, it always cured everything. No matter what sickness I had or even how bad it was, Mommy's soup and cornbread made it better. I tuck those little smells and memories away, they are down deep and hidden away. Now when I have a bowl of that potato soup I can feel all the love Mommy had for me. I remember the countless times she made it while I was at home and then after I married with kids of my own, they learned that same smell that went straight to the heart.
With the arrival of fall and chilly weather we have had a campfire on Sunday evenings. They warm the hands but also the heart. We gather around the fire and we listen to the age old familiar stories of Jesus and how He loves! One of our neighbors said he was outside doing chores when he smelled smoke from our fire. Looking at his watch he realized he was late for youth and campfire so he came on by and joined our circle of friends. Its amazing to me how smells can trigger so much in so many. When I smell a wood fire I smell home! I don’t smell smoke I smell love. I remember cold frosty mornings when Mommy would start a fire in the old cook stove in the kitchen to make biscuits and gravy. Thats a whole smell in itself. When I smell that fire burning, I also remember Mommy going up and down those stairs all winter long to check the fire. To poke it up to keep the coals hot. To take out the ashes and everything would be covered in the dust from the ashes. I remember one time Mommy trying to teach me how to light the fire. She had me to roll up a newspaper upstairs and I lit it from the wood stove. She told me to carry it downstairs to the wood stove and light the kindling. Well as I carried it downstairs the flames dripped on my hand and melted it like butter, still got the scar.
I can remember cutting firewood with Daddy and Steve all day long and stacking it in ricks, every little piece had to be just so! So when I smell a fire burning, the smoke drifting to my nose, I smell home, I smell love. I smell hugs and unconditional love all wrapped up in the smells that waft through the air to my nose and they go straight to my heart
Ephesians 5:2
And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
It Came to Pass
Every morning I look at the person in the mirror. The reflection that looks back at me is someone that has survived deep hurt. And as I look at her I wonder how she has managed to go on. How does she put one foot in front of the other? How does she go to work every day? How does she smile at trivial jokes when her heart is broken still? How do you get over such trials without scars so deep that you can continue on?
No matter how you feel get up, dress up, show up and never give up!
So many days I see the look of defeat in her eyes; wounded, but still if I look past that I can see a glimmer of hope.
It didn’t come to stay, it came to pass
That is how she carries the burdens. Some days when I remember my life, our life, happy days, even sad days; I remember with such a sadness for what I’ve lost that it overshadows the goodness. I forget I need to say thank you God for what was. So many special moments, days and even years that God blessed me with, blessed my family. And I wasn’t promised any of it. Nothing is forever. Sometimes thats how we make it through the sad times and the hardships. We remind ourselves every day that nothing lasts forever. Just as the bad times don’t last forever, so it is with the good times.
It didn’t come to stay, it came to pass…
Life is so busy now, we rarely get to just sit and take anything in! When I get to sit on the porch and drink a cup of coffee with the dog and wrap up in a blanket through a thunderstorm, I have to thank God. Why? Sometimes thats the only way we will slow down. God sends us a storm to slow us down. He gives us time to reflect on what was, what is, and what's to come! Sometimes when I do this I get a notion in my head of how I want my life to be and then I start to make plans. But then I am reminded- WHOA! Slow down, put on the breaks! And just like He sends us a thunderstorm, sometimes He sends us a storm in our life to get our attention. To slow us down. Reminds me of that song, “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden”. Thats what I imagine God is saying, “I beg your pardon!” We need to reflect, get closer to God, but not to make our plans. To listen to His plans for us. When we do that we can’t help but find the joy in our journey. And just as my favorite scripture tells me in
Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He has a plan for us, for me! I don’t have to figure it out. All I have to do is get out of bed and ask what is your plan for me today….then do it! At one time I liked making plans. I liked knowing where my future was headed, I liked knowing what I was doing in a year from now. But not so much anymore. Just the fact that I know God has plans for me is enough. I know that whatever is tossed at me is part of the plan. I just have to roll with it, smile and wonder sometimes what He is up to! somedays I just say out loud “God, what were you thinking!?”
Proverbs 3:5-6(NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As I come to know my Heavenly Father, I have discovered so many things. He is stern, yet approachable. He means business, but He has a sense of humor. He wants me to succeed but He also wants me to learn as I travel that path. He is more concerned with the growth of my character than with my bank account or degrees. I have discovered a true friend. One that I can talk to but one that talks to me if I slow down to listen. As I try to figure out my plan and purpose I am trying to enjoy the ride. If I can lift someone up during that ride then I have succeeded in doing some small part of Gods plan.
Look for people before you, beside you, and behind you in the journey.
1 Thessalonians 5:11(NIV)
11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Offer a smile or a kind word, trust me, the one that receives the blessing will be you!
Go to the Lord and find out exactly what He wants you to do. Don’t decide your course of action and then ask God to bless your plans! Go to Him and say, “Lord what are your plans?” His plans! His will! No brainer! Already blessed!
God always talks to me through my own words and its often after they get cold. These words have been hanging around for a week now! God gives me a scripture here and there, I add a few words but then when I add them all together and read them I get it! What He’s trying to tell me! So as I read this now, the person I was at the beginning, the reflection I saw? That is not who He wants me to be!
Proverbs 4:25 (NIV)
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you
Sure I have had the hurt, we all have those hurts, those scars, and they are all different. But I have learned and grown from those wounds. I have a closer relationship with God, my heavenly father, my friend. The one who is always there. He is never too busy. He doesn’t say I can’t listen right now someone else needs me. He’s always there! Always! I almost feel sorry for those who have never endured a trial in their life, because they have never needed to depend totally on their Heavenly Father! So I don’t see a defeated, sad, hurt, reflection looking back at me! I see a person who is scarred, but not broken. I see a woman who wants to learn to love again...and wants to be loved. But most of all I see that reflection looking at me and saying you can do this.
Psalm 32:8 (NIV)
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
There is nothing that you can’t do as long as you remember who you belong to. You are a child of the King! Let Him lead the way and you follow!
John 16:33(NIV)
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Remember you are loved!
Song of Songs 2:10(NIV)
10 My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
Ephesians 2:10(NIV)
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
It Came To Pass (The Martins)
Sickness must be present for healing to take place,
Lives must be broken so they can be restored,
We must stop looking at our hard times
Like they were dead end roads
But avenues to prove that He is Lord
(chorus)
It didn’t come to stay it came to pass
The Lord will move that mountain if you’ll ask
The trials that we see today won’t last
It didn’t come to stay it came to pass
If I should live by sight I would be beaten down
Because I can’t see past these walls of circumstance
But faith will be my substance
And my hope is in the Lord
And He will turn my sorrow into dance, oh
and He will turn my sorrow into dance
Weeping may endure for the night
but I’ll find my joy tomorrow….tomorrow.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Timmy Wayne
They did the procedure on Timmy Wayne and they couldn't find the extra electrical pathway, so they kept him overnight to monitor his heart and kidneys. The kidneys are repairing their selves slowly. I haven't heard anything yet this morning. But if all went good, they will send him home today with a special monitor to wear for a month. It will keep track of the electrical signals and when he has an episode, It will give the doctor the info to find the pathway. They will then go in and try again.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Timmy Wayne
Timmy Wayne is having a procedure today on his heart. He has been having problems for almost 4 years now. His heart will speed up and double his heart beat at times. He has been in and out of the hospital for this. This past week he had two spells back to back. This was too much and it deprived the kidneys of blood and oxygen and he went into the hospital diagnosed with acute kidney failure. This time he went into Montgomery regional instead of Carillion. The doctors had to find what was causing the kidney failure. Tim was in his room when the doctor came in, he told the doctors about the conversation we had with my niece in Texas that works with all of the heart specialist there. From his symptoms she said she thought he had Wolff Parkinson White syndrome. Tim said the doctor said he and his team were thinking the same thing. The then transported Timmy Wayne to Salem to Lewis Gale Hospital. He was immediately seen by an Electrophysiologist. Today at 3:00 they will be taking him down for a heart catheterization where they will search to find the extra electrical pathway to the heart. While they are in his heart they will do the ablation to stop this. He should come out of this feeling like a new man I'm told.
Tim is with him and will remain there until he leaves the hospital. Timmy
Wayne requested we not tell his mother.
Everyone please keep him in your prayers today .
Love you all,
Cindy
Tim is with him and will remain there until he leaves the hospital. Timmy
Wayne requested we not tell his mother.
Everyone please keep him in your prayers today .
Love you all,
Cindy
Monday, September 29, 2014
I Still Believe
To say I have looked forward to this weekend is an understatement. Ever since the Extraordinary womens Conference last year I have experienced a revival in my heart. But like with anything you have to fan the flames to keep the fires burning. Well after about 6 months the flames began to die. The embers were still there, smoldering...just waiting for the fan. This conference is my fan. I had my ticket and the room had been reserved for months! The closer the time came the more Satan began interfering in my life. Every day I got out of bed, something different hurt. My steps became fewer then the stomach virus struck. It took me a while to figure out that there was a huge blessing waiting for me at this conference.
On Wednesday morning I was feeling pretty low and had a fleeting thought that maybe I wouldnt go. God gave me this verse:
Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV)
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Persevere! As I look back at the scripture I posted on facebook on Monday, God was giving me fair warning.
Psalm 73:26 (NIV)
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
God was telling me then to watch out! But I didn’t see it til it actually hit. After I realized it was just the devil trying to steal my blessing I decided right then and there I would be here where I am sitting amongst 10,000 women if I had to be carried in. A friend asked me earlier in the week if I prayed for patience...I used to. Not anymore. I pray for strength.
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
God was giving me the strength I needed. It took me a while, yes I know I am a slow learner, but I started taking that scripture with me all day. I re read it at work, before I went to bed and in the mornings when I got up I thanked god for that strength I knew He was giving me. No matter what you yourself plan, no matter what Satan does to interrupt these plans, if God has a plan it will happen.
Isaiah 14:27 (NLT)
27 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies has spoken—who can change his plans? When his hand is raised, who can stop him?”
I don’t always like waiting for this plan because Gods time does not equal my time. I want it and I want it like yesterday. But here that patience thing I prayed for ONCE! Well He didn’t forget that prayer. He is fine tuning me. Working on my masterpiece. He is the artist, the potter, I am the clay.
Here is a quote I had to read a few times before I really said “yeah I get it”
“I never had a trial I wanted to have but I never had a trial I wasn’t glad I had” Jack Hyles
sometimes I am so busy weaving in and out of trials, climbing up and down the mountains that I forget to just be bold and love life. No matter what comes my way I just need to embrace it and love life. I need to thank Him for the valleys that I walk through because without them the top of the mountain wouldn’t be so sweet.
As I entered the civic center friday evening I could feel the electricity of 10,000 women coming together to praise God and worship together. Like I said I knew there was going to be a blessing so I was ready to sit back and soak it all in. I had made it! The devil couldn’t stop me now!
Proverbs 16:9N(NLT)
9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Our first speaker was Chonda Pierce and I was ready; prepared for the tears I knew would come. Chondas husband had died 2 months before and she is a comedian so I knew what her routine was going to be based on and I was right. She related how life had changed after the death of her high school sweetheart. And no matter how many times you hear this story, they are always the same; the loss, the anger, the loneliness. And no matter who you are you have to go through this. She sang a song I have sang many times, “I’m Gonna Make It!” It took me a year before I could sing that song without tears. And here she was 2 months out and she was singing it, I joined her singing from my seat and yes the tears flowed. To all my friends who have lost their spouse, I would just love to hold you all close and tell you it will all be alright but the truth is I can’t because I am not there yet. Even after 2 years….not there. And I often wonder will I ever be there. There are so many days I just want to throw in the towel. I am ready to give up but then there is that still small voice I hear, which I have come to recognize as God saying, “Don’t quit, just before the miracle!” I know my miracle is coming, once again patience.
Psalm 5:3New (NIV)
3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.
I tell God what I want. I thank Him for what He has given me. And at times I have been angry at him for what He took from me but that again is something you have to go through to get through! But I know God answers prayers. He answers every single prayer I pray. And as I pray I expect . When you find out you are expecting a baby, don’t you get ready? You buy baby stuff. You prepare the room. YOu even discuss it with your other children to prepare them. Well as I have prayed, its like giving birth. I am preparing my life, getting ready. I know you think I am crazy. But I know God is going to come through for me. thats the only way I can get through the day. I trust in his promises that He made to me; because He loves me!
1 Corinthians 13:7(NIV)
7 It(love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Our first night was coming to a close and I felt that hearing Chonda’s story and her experience was the blessing god had for me. She was where I had been. all of her fears and anxieties so much like my own let me know that I was on the right track. We came down early out of the stands to avoid the rush. Jeremy Camp was singing and he was singing his last song. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave. As he finished the song he started telling a story of his life 13 years before. He married in 2000 and his wife died in 2001 of ovarian cancer. Here was this normal appearing young man, 36, on fire for God. He was re married, had 3 children and sings the most amazing songs of what god has done for him. He was 13 years past the most devastating time in his life and he was praising god. Oh yes, I can see why the devil didn’t want me here this weekend, He didn’t want me to see how others that had been broken had been peiced back together with God as the super glue.
Psalm 61:2(NIV)
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Our struggles and trials don’t go unnoticed by God. I won’t say they are from God, but I do think he allows them to happen so that he can see what we are made of. He wants us to be like Jesus so sometimes he heats us in the fire. I firmly believe no matter what bad things happen in your life, god will make something good happen out of it.
Romans 8:28(NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
The EWomens conference this weekend has ignited the embers that were just smoldering. The speakers and song leaders have fanned the flames. Its up to me now and the 10,000 women that have sparks ready to jump off and ignite new fires. Take these sparks back into our churches, our homes, our schools and let the fires fall.
Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his first wife died:
I Still Believe
Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain
[Chorus:]
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain[Chorus]
The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near
And that is what it’s all about...Faith.
Hebrews 11:1(NKJV)
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
And I have the faith that God will take care of me. That’s one of his promises. I still believe…..
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