Timmy Wayne

They did the procedure on Timmy Wayne and they couldn't find the extra electrical pathway, so they kept him overnight to monitor his heart and kidneys. The kidneys are repairing their selves slowly. I haven't heard anything yet this morning. But if all went good, they will send him home today with a special monitor to wear for a month. It will keep track of the electrical signals and when he has an episode, It will give the doctor the info to find the pathway. They will then go in and try again.

What's the word on Timmy Wayne?  Prayers❤️

Cindy,
  Do you have an update on Timmy Wayne?

Timmy Wayne

Timmy Wayne is having a procedure today on his heart. He has been having problems for almost 4 years now. His heart will speed up and double his heart beat at times. He has been in and out of the hospital for this. This past week he had two spells back to back. This was too much and it deprived the kidneys of blood and oxygen and he went into the hospital diagnosed with acute kidney failure. This time he went into Montgomery regional instead of Carillion. The doctors had to find what was causing the kidney failure. Tim was in his room when the doctor came in, he told the doctors about the conversation we had with my niece in Texas that works with all of the heart specialist there. From his symptoms she said she thought he had Wolff Parkinson White syndrome. Tim said the doctor said he and his team were thinking the same thing. The then transported Timmy Wayne to Salem to Lewis Gale Hospital. He was immediately seen by an Electrophysiologist. Today at 3:00 they will be taking him down for a heart catheterization where they will search to find the extra electrical pathway to the heart. While they are in his heart they will do the ablation to stop this. He should come out of this feeling like a new man I'm told.
Tim is with him and will remain there until he leaves the hospital. Timmy
Wayne requested we not tell his mother.
Everyone please keep him in your prayers today .


Love you all,


Cindy

I Still Believe

To say I have looked forward to this weekend is an understatement.  Ever since the Extraordinary womens Conference last year I have experienced a revival in my heart.  But like with anything you have to fan the flames to keep the fires burning.  Well after about 6 months the flames began to die.  The embers were still there, smoldering...just waiting for the fan.  This conference is my fan.  I had my ticket and the room had been reserved for months!  The closer the time came the more Satan began interfering in my life.  Every day I got out of bed, something different hurt.  My steps became fewer then the stomach virus struck.  It took me a while to figure out that there was a huge blessing waiting for me at this conference.

On Wednesday morning I was feeling pretty low and had a fleeting thought that maybe I wouldnt go.  God gave me this verse:

Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV)

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Persevere!  As I look back at the scripture I posted on facebook on Monday, God was giving me fair warning.

Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,

   but God is the strength of my heart

   and my portion forever.

God was telling me then to watch out!  But I didn’t see it til it actually hit.  After I realized it was just the devil trying to steal my blessing I decided right then and there I would be here where I am sitting amongst 10,000 women if I had to be carried in.  A friend asked me earlier in the week if I prayed for patience...I used to.  Not anymore.  I pray for strength.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;

   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God was giving me the strength I needed.  It took me a while, yes I know I am a slow learner, but I started taking that scripture with me all day.  I re read it at work, before I went to bed and in the mornings when I got up I thanked god for that strength I knew He was giving me.  No matter what you yourself plan, no matter what Satan does to interrupt these plans, if God has a plan it will happen.

Isaiah 14:27 (NLT)

27 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies has spoken—who can change his plans?   When his hand is raised, who can stop him?”

I don’t always like waiting for this plan because Gods time does not equal my time.  I want it and I want it like yesterday.  But here that patience thing I prayed for ONCE!  Well He didn’t forget that prayer.  He is fine tuning me.  Working on my masterpiece.  He is the artist, the potter, I am the clay.

Here is a quote I had to read a few times before I really said “yeah I get it”

“I never had a trial I wanted to have but I never had a trial I wasn’t glad I had”      Jack Hyles

sometimes I am so busy weaving in and out of trials, climbing up and down the mountains that I forget to just be bold and love life.  No matter what comes my way I just need to embrace it and love life.  I need to thank Him for the valleys that I walk through because without them the top of the mountain wouldn’t be so sweet.

As I entered the civic center friday evening I could feel the electricity of 10,000 women coming together to praise God and worship together.  Like I said I knew there was going to be a blessing so I was ready to sit back and soak it all in.  I had made it!  The devil couldn’t stop me now!

Proverbs 16:9N(NLT)

9 We can make our plans,    but the Lord determines our steps.

Our first speaker was Chonda Pierce and I was ready; prepared for the tears I knew would come.  Chondas husband had died 2 months before and she is a comedian so I knew what her routine was going to be based on and I was right.  She related how life had changed after the death of her high school sweetheart.  And no matter how many times you hear this story, they are always the same; the loss, the anger, the loneliness.  And no matter who you are you have to go through this.  She sang a song I have sang many times,   “I’m Gonna Make It!”  It took me a year before I could sing that song without tears.  And here she was 2 months out and she was singing it, I joined her singing from my seat and yes the tears flowed.  To all my friends who have lost their spouse, I would just love to hold you all close and tell you it will all be alright but the truth is I can’t because I am not there yet.  Even after 2 years….not there.  And I often wonder will I ever be there.  There are so many days I just want to throw in the towel.  I am ready to give up but then there is that still small voice I hear, which I have come to recognize as God saying, “Don’t quit, just before the miracle!”  I know my miracle is coming, once again patience.

Psalm 5:3New (NIV)

3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;  in the morning I lay my requests before you    and wait expectantly.

I tell God what I want.  I thank Him for what He has given me.  And at times I have been angry at him for what He took from me but that again is something you have to go through to get through!  But I know God answers prayers.  He answers every single prayer I pray.  And as I pray I expect . When you find out you are expecting a baby, don’t you get ready?  You buy baby stuff.  You prepare the room.  YOu even discuss it with  your other children to prepare them.  Well as I have prayed, its like giving birth.  I am preparing my life, getting ready.  I know you think I am crazy.  But I know God is going to come through for me.  thats the only way I can get through the day.  I trust in his promises that He made to me; because He loves me!

1 Corinthians 13:7(NIV)

7 It(love)  always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our first night was coming to a close and I felt that hearing Chonda’s story and her experience was the blessing god had for me.  She was where I had been.  all of her fears and anxieties so much like my own let me know that I was on the right track.  We came down early out of the stands to avoid the rush.  Jeremy Camp was singing and he was singing his last song.  But I couldn’t bring myself to leave.  As he finished the song he started telling a story of his life 13 years before.  He married in 2000 and his wife died in 2001 of ovarian cancer.  Here was this normal appearing young man, 36, on fire for God.  He was re married, had 3 children and sings the most amazing songs of what god has done for him.  He was 13 years past the most devastating time in his life and he was praising god.  Oh yes, I can see why the devil didn’t want me here this weekend,  He didn’t want me to see how others that had been broken had been peiced back together with God as the super glue.

Psalm 61:2(NIV)

2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,    I call as my heart grows faint;    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Our struggles and trials don’t go unnoticed by God.  I won’t say they are from God, but I do think he allows them to happen so that he can see what we are made of.  He wants us to be like Jesus so sometimes he heats us in the fire.  I firmly believe no matter what bad things happen in your life, god will make something good happen out of it.

Romans 8:28(NIV)

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

The EWomens conference this weekend has ignited the embers that were just smoldering.  The speakers and song leaders have fanned the flames.  Its up to me now and the 10,000 women that have sparks ready to jump off and ignite new fires.  Take these sparks back into our churches, our homes, our schools and let the fires fall.

Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his first wife died:

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts

seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

seems I don't know where to start

but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus:]

I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

with promises I still seem to bear

even when answers slowly unwind

it's my heart I see You prepare

but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every finger tip, washing away my pain[Chorus]

The only place I can go is into your arms

where I throw to you my feeble prayers

in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me

Help me to know You are near

And that is what it’s all about...Faith.

Hebrews 11:1(NKJV)

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

And I have the faith that God will take care of me.  That’s one of his promises.  I still believe…..

How do you say goodbye?

Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

How do you say goodbye?  When I visit family and friends it's always hard to say goodbye.  I say prayers of blessing for them until we meet again.  I pray for safe travels just as I'm sure they do for me as I leave until we meet again; that may be Christmas, Easter, next summer, but we will meet again.  Sometimes there are tears especially when parents say goodbye to their children and grandkids.  When you love someone you want the best for them.  That always involves turning them loose or setting them free.  I know I shed a few tears when my kids went to kindergarten.  Then when they went off to college...more tears.  When Emily married Zac...yep more tears.  But even as the tears slid down my face the sadness was mixed with happiness because I knew that the life that waited for them was going to be spectacular.  It was their time and as it says in Ecclesiastes there is a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

This week I have watched as friends said goodbye to their loved ones.  They knew it was coming; departure was inevitable.  A time to be born...a time to die.  But we love them so much we want the best for them.  And it doesn't get any better than going home to live with Jesus.  And yes tears are OK; sadness for us because we are left here but happiness for them because they have an eternity to live and dwell in Heaven.  Danny's last week here on earth, I did a lot of praying.  Preparing for that goodbye that I knew was coming.   And just as I pray for safe travels for loved ones when I leave them or they leave me, I prayed for his safe journey as he departed this life.  And just as I prayed for him I know without a doubt he prayed for the ones he loved that he was leaving; me, his kids, his parents.  I am sure he petitioned God for many things for those he loved and I believe God heard and is still answering those prayers today and will in the future as I am sure he prayed for his grandchildren that aren't even here yet.  So to my friends who are saying goodbye to their loved ones, remember this.  If you know Jesus as your lord and savior this goodbye will be be brief, even if it feels like forever on some days!  You will be reunited!  We all will be reunited with the ones we love.  That's a promise I hold on to everyday.  That's why it's so important to ask Jesus into your heart.  Salvation and a life eternal where you can praise God forever plus see all those that have gone on before, that's what it's all about because I do believe we will know our family when we get to heaven!  I can't wait!

Luke 9:61 (NIV)

61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

The Dance

Life’s a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead sometimes you follow...are you a leader or do you tend to follow?  I feel like a follower.  I wait until I see something I want and then I jump on that bandwagon.  I have learned to be happy just to dance, sometimes it is to the music in my own head but it is still dancing.  I sway back and forth to the music called life.  Sometimes avoiding any involvement at all.  I just barely touch the edge of some peoples life and then others I feel like I am in up to my neck.  I don’t understand why we dance.  But we do.

“Life is a song, love is the music”

We write our own lyrics everyday as we go.  Somedays are happy songs, somedays sad, some are mad days while others are just reflective days.   This song popped in my head this evening:

“Where He leads me I will follow,

Where He leads me I will follow,

Where He leads me I will follow, 

I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way!”

Once again a follower.  When God talks to you do you always get it right away?  I sometimes can’t figure out what He is trying to tell me!  This week has been that way.  I feel like He is leading me in a different direction than what I am used to.  We are going down a path I haven’t traveled before.  I feel a little scared just because it is unknown to me but at the same time it is exciting.  I know in my heart if this new path is one I am to travel He will equip me.  I have been comfortable in my journey for way too long.  I can say this is coming as a total surprise to me because I feel like I am useful where I am at.  But can I be more useful doing something somewhere else?

John 4:24 (NIV)

24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

If you worship God in that place of freedom and joy, you will see everything with a new perspective. You will see things that perhaps you didn’t see before.  It’s easier to see what God has willed for your life when you worship with Him.

“There will be times when the will of God will not be abundantly clear to us.  During those occasions we are expected to retain our faith and wait on the Lord”            Dr. James Dobson

Once again we are called to wait upon the Lord.  And while we wait…...we worship.

2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)

7 For we live by faith, not by sight.

I don’t know about you, but I like to see where I am going.  I shine a light when it’s dark just so I can light my way.  I don’t like the dark.  I don’t fear it, but I don’t like it.  I don’t like the unknown.  Faith-stepping out in faith-is kind of like that darkness.  The difference is that God is there with us.  He is our big flashlight lighting the way.  He shines for us so that we can see the way ahead.  He goes before us.

Hebrews 13:8(NIV)

8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

When I was a child at the very young age of 12, I was saved.  Mostly out of fear of going to Hell.  Not that I am proud of that but I was 12 and that’s how it was.  As I grew in age I also matured spiritually, as we all do.  We grow up.  But when we are spiritually young we want to be pleasing to our heavenly father.  We want to do what He wants us to do.  As we get older the line between right and wrong, good and bad, becomes harder and harder to distinguish.  And sometimes the things we have always done will all of the sudden seem wrong.  Gods mercy and grace allows us to mess up, to fall short and He catches us every time.  In all of lifes situations whether good or bad, happy or sad; all the places God takes us, He is giving us the chance to grow in faith.  We are maturing becoming the person He has designed us to be.  We have to go through the fire to be refined!

2 Corinthians 2:14(ESV)

14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

God is working on me.  He is trying his best to make me humble.

James 4:6 (NIV)

6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud

    but shows favor to the humble.”

I have a problem with self though.  No matter how hard I try “self” always gets in the way.

Hebrews 12:10(NIV)

10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.

I’m a mess.  A broken mess.  I mess up on a daily basis.  I say the wrong things to people.  I make wrong choices and I know I don’t set the best example for my kids.  My prayer on a daily basis is for me to decrease and Christ to increase.

Romans 5:3 (NIV)

3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

Broken.  Battered.  Bruised.  Tired.  Weary.  Maybe you don’t see this on the outside.  I like to put myself together...on the outside.  My hair has to be just right.  Makeup just right.  Clothes just right.  Shoes, oh my goodness, you can’t forget the shoes!  They have to match.  Then there is the jewelry and even down to the perfect perfume to finish it off.  You see, when I get up I see the real me.  The one that looks in the mirror and the tired defeated eyes look back.  I see the broken spirit and the weary soul.  So I begin to cover it up.  I put on a mask called makeup and bling.  So that the first thing someone sees is not my sadness or my weariness.  They have to go through a lof of layers to get to that.  The trouble with me is that I wear all of my emotions right there on my sleeve.  But God is helping me with all of that.  He wants me to remember.  I have to remember what He has done for me in the past.  He has carried me to mountain tops, through valleys that I never thought I would get through. When I drug my feet and they were so heavy I couldn’t move then, He scooped me up and just snuggled me up and carried me.  How could I ever forget that?  But those memories dim.  Everytime I encounter another hardship or a bump or pothole in the road of life I have to remember that I am not doing any of this.  My creator and Heavenly Father who loves me is doing this, all of this, for me.  He is doing it for my good.  He is shaping me, molding me.  Not to be a better nurse.  Not to get a raise in pay.  But to touch someone's life.  To make a difference in someones life along the way.  Maybe a word I say.  That one word that comes out of your mouth and you wonder….what the heck was that for?  There was purpose in it.  There are no coincidences,  only God instances.  When I start my day off with the attitude of “what are we going to do today?” my day is so much better.  My attitude is happy.  My steps are with a purpose.

Romans 15:13(NIV)

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I want to overflow….I want to be contagious.  Working in the medical field that is not a word we like to see, but in this instance, I would love to be highly contagious and infectious.  I want to infect everyone I meet with the spirit of Jesus Christ.

We are a peculiar people.  Creatures of habit and I don’t understand sometimes why we do the things we do.   But God knows, he understands and He loves us anyway.  No matter how quirky we are, God loves us which brings me back to the dance.  Thats WHY we dance.  And whether you lead, follow or just stand in one spot...just dance and enjoy the life God created you for.  You were created in His image and He wants the best for you.  Use the gifts God gave you and learn how to dance.

Psalm 149:3a (NIV) Let them praise his name with dancing…

Psalm 30:11 (AMP)  You have turned my mourning into dancing for me...

yes Thank The Lord .God is Good.

Timmy

UPDATE ON TIM::::: God is good!!! Tuesday at 2am Tim woke up hurting with a pulled muscle in his right shoulder under the collar bone. He tried resting and dozed back and forth until 4am. He was hurting really bad and didn't want to take anything for pain, he said he needed to be able to drive for work. He continued dozing on and off until 8:50am, at which time he called me to his side saying he was about to get sick and the pain was going to make him pass out. He immediately started some fast short jerks, and with his eyes open, they rolled back into his head and he went totally limp. Me and his son were with him and he was not breathing at all. I shook him and couldn't get a response so I ended up pounding his chest until he started breathing again, at which time I put one of my nitro glycerin pills under his tongue. It took a few minutes for him to become coherent. I then got him up and was taking him to the car to go to the hospital when he collapsed again. Once again I pounded his chest until he started breathing. I yelled for Timmy Wayne to call 911. I proceeded to raise his legs and pump them back and forth to get the blood flowing through his heart and keep it flowing. I did this until the rescue squad and the paramedics arrived. He was transported to the ER. He was too weak to raise himself in the bed all day Tuesday, Wednesday started out slow and got better by late evening and today he is wonderfully fine and in great spirits, just a little tired. They ran every conceivable test on his heart and assure us it is strong and undamaged. He had what is called Vasovagal. It is a incident not a condition, so it should never happen again. It is caused by having so strong a pain that you tense your body up to the point that you contract all your muscles to the point it cuts off the blood to the brain and the heart and your heard stops. When this happens it is possible it will start back on its on, if not then it is possible to pound the chest and restart the heart the way I did, and if not, then you die. The cardiologist said this is actually what Elvis Presley died from. Yes he was on drugs, but died from Vasovagal. Tim is wired to a heart monitor for the next 7 days, after which he goes to the cardiologist for a follow up. They do assure us we have nothing to worry about and he is totally fine. I thank God for his life and for leading me to do what I had to do. The cardiologist said I did exactly right, and I had no idea what I was doing. He said if it ever happens again to do exactly the same thing. I have just brought him home from the hospital. We want to thank each and everyone for your prayers, I know the power of God is the reason he is still here with us. I thank God in heaven in Jesus name for his life.. Thanks to everyone that helped us, Edna for bringing clothes and books to read and toiletries, Marshall for bringing us The Chicken bus chicken and fixings and also coming to the house and bringing food for Justin and Timmy Wayne, Bobbie for bringing books, cake and banana pudding, and Jay, Jan, Loveline, and Edna for visiting. And Tony for offering to take care of everything here at home for us. And a special thanks for everyone for calling and checking on him and just especially for the prayers. Love to you one and all.

Cindy said not a heart attack!  They think it is electrical and part of the heart isn't firing right. Will do an echo and stress test tomorrow. 

Timmy

I talked to Cindy. He is in radford hospital. From what I can gather he is having a heart attack in what is known as the widow maker portion of the heart. Not totally for sure as we got cut off. He was having arm and shoulder pain for a bit. This morning said he felt like he was going to pass out. Then he did. Lost consciousness and quit breathing. She thumped his chest and gave him nitroglycerin. The dr at the hospital said she saved his life. He is stable  now. Timmy Wayne is there. Will update when I know more. 

Don't Blink

Don’t Blink

He was that little blond haired boy with light blue eyes.  Big smile that would reach all the way to his ears.  Mischievous twinkle peeking out from under those long eyelashes.  There he is reaching out for a hand to hold.  He needs someone to guide him to show him the way.  And at 2 years of age he accepts.  He struggles to keep up with his sister and big brother but he succeeds!  He most often misses their mark but makes his own.  He has been making his own mark ever since.  He marches to the beat of his own drum...I could rattle old cliches a page long.  

I blinked and there was that same little boy with the blond hair, blue eyes, and mischievous twinkle only instead of reaching for a hand he is pushing it away.  Instead of asking someone to guide him he is forging ahead making his own way.  He no longer is the “little” brother.  He has inches and pounds on both his big brother and big sister.

I read somewhere this morning that as parents we should raise our children that we have, not the children we thought we would have.

I always thought my kids would be the same.  But they are so different.  They all like different things.  They react to everything in different ways.  The only thing they do share that I know is the same are memories of Danny, grand parents and church.  And even those will be remembered differently.  God has made all of my kids unique; all different, all perfect in his sight and of course perfect in mine.  Its been 2 years of new beginnings, endings, just life going on.  So this week as everyone posts their first day photos I can't help but think of the changes in his life as he starts the 10th grade.  I know with every new thing in my life I think of Danny so I know he must think of him on this first day of being a sophomore.  Many may say not so much of a milestone but every first that we muddle through without him is a great accomplishment.  This one just puts us a little closer to graduation day.  I know there will be ups and downs this year but my prayer is for more ups than downs!

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it

Sand

Many are the grains of sand in a 3 minute timer.  I wonder sometimes how many.  These are the things that wander around in my head.  Of course I googled it.  3 minute timer= 250,000 grains of sand.  An hour glass? 5,000,000.  So as I sit on the beach with the Atlantic Ocean at my feet, these are the thoughts running around in my head.  So how many grains of sand in the ocean?  I am sure there is a mathematician out there somewhere that can figure that out.  There is an algebraic equation for it!  You take the size of a grain of sand and then do a song and dance with a page or two of figures and there you will have your answer.

With my toes buried in the sand I claimed my small portion of the beach. I watched as people came and went;  just like the waves.  There were people of all sizes; big, small, short, tall, white, black, brown, red, tattooed, pierced, young, old, from babies in their mothers arms to grandmothers on walkers pushing their wheels in the sand to catch a glimpse of the ocean view just one more time.  As I sat there the waves came in and lapped up against me.  I could feel the tension leave as the waves went back out to sea.  I tried to leave all my worries and problems at home like everyone else when they go on vacation but they always follow you.  But when you sit there your problems and worries kind of become like grains of sand.  First they are too numerous to count and 2nd they are hard to keep track of and count because we can’t keep up with them.  As the water comes in, it brings new sand and as it goes out, it takes sand with it.  Always moving.  Well thats kind of how my problems or worries felt.  The longer I sat the more I could feel at ease.  The problems of life seem to fade away into the ocean leaving a feeling of calmness, not that I had accomplished anything, but somehow when you look into the vastness of the ocean and you look to the horizon and there is no end, your problems just don’t seem so big.  You know there is something bigger out there besides your little world.  I walked along the beach for many miles.  I looked into many faces; talked to many.  Never got a name but did share a smile, sometimes humor.  I always wondered what was behind their smile, behind their eyes.  What skill did they possess?  Were they heart surgeons, brain surgeons, lawyers, CEO, trash collector, did they perhaps deliver the mail in the same corporate office that the man walking beside me is a CEO?  Here at the beach everyone is the same.  No ties or coveralls, no name tags.  No way of knowing what your calling is in life unless you tell.   Are you happy or sad?  Lonely?  Rich?  Poor?  Homeless? Catholic?  Baptist?  Atheist?  So many questions but here, in the sand, does it matter?  I decided NO!  I tried to let the concerns of my life fade away with the ocean.  I watched the sun come up with thousands of people.  I saw the reflection on the water and on the surface everything was perfect; no ripples.  It reminded me of life.  Many times we reflect life around us and on our surface, life appears perfect to those that just come to watch from a distance.  But when you get a little closer you begin to see imperfections.  The ripples.

As I got farther down the shore my feet began to hurt from walking on the tiny crushed shells.  The water began to take on different shades of blue; depending on which way I was looking at it.  Then with closer inspection I saw lots of activity going on that didn’t first appear.  The sea gulls would wait for the waves to come in then go out so they could snatch the little sand crabs up and eat them.  I saw the dolphins swim in and out, up and down, following the schools of fish.  They would charge full steam ahead splitting the waters and the fish would flop high into the air twisting and wiggling.  The pelicans would swoop down and catch them; All within seconds!  Changing the lives of these creatures but yet it was a continuous cycle over and over, never changing!  It was quite amazing. And this is all that I could see.  Just imagine the activity of marine life that goes unnoticed.  Thank god I didn’t see any sharks, but I know they are there.  No whales, crabs, clams, jelly fish, star fish just to name a few.

Aren’t we similar.  To most people when they peek into someone else's life, they see the surface.  No ripples.  But then we start to notice the little things, the imperfections, the things below the surface.  And just like with the dolphins and fish flopping, thats when we begin to see the real beauty of that person.  All of their little quirks and imperfections become what we love about that person.  God has made us all unique and individual.  He knew us in the womb, knows the hair on our head.  He knows our quirks, our abnormalities!  He created us.

Matthew 10:29-30(NIV)

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[a] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

I try to control every aspect of my life by making lists, making plans, following rules but I am reminded everyday that sometimes I am just like those grains of sand that flow in and flow out.  I can’t control it all. Sometimes there is a bigger picture.  Like the sand in the hour glass, my life sometimes goes up and down, turns over, same routine, same problems, same solutions.  But then once in a while I see the sand in a whole new setting, like the ocean, where the vastness takes the sand to a whole new level.  When I sit there so small and the ocean so big my problems seem small.  The answers are staring me right in the face.  I know what to do. I just have to do it.  I am not in control.  When I see that great big ocean I realize God is in control of it all.  Even when I feel it is out of control…He is controlling it.

Just like he cares for that little sparrow, he cares for me and every detail of my life.  He cares that I have the time to nourish 2 friendships that sometimes get put on a back burner because of family obligations or work.  He cares that I have time to make new memories with sisters that I rarely see.  He cares enough that He could make time for me to have a cup of coffee with a friend when we are headed in two different directions amidst two busy lives and schedules.  He sees the opportunity when we don’t. He sees the big picture.  We are like grains of sand flowing in and out. We can’t keep track of it all but God can.

Matthew 10:31 (NIV)

31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows

As the water washed over me I could feel all of lives heartaches and cares wash out to sea.  My body ached from the disease and it’s addiction to steroids; and every day as I decrease the prednisone I am reminded of my dependency on it.  But at that moment, the waters felt so healing both physically and emotionally.  There is just something about being at the beach that can take you away from life, away from worry, away from sadness, away from loss and yes away from grief.  If we let that tide that brings the sand also bring that healing water, we begin to heal.  It takes away the old brings in the new and all that sand begins to fill those tiny little crevices that have left holes in our hearts and soul.  They become scars where we once loved but lost.  Scars that remind us we loved deep and true.  Scars that remind us we loved once and yes we would love again. Do these scars disappear?  No!  But they do fade.  These same scars make us stronger, physically and emotionally.

Sunday,  August 3rd, is 2 years since I last saw the face of the one I carry in my heart now.  When I let my self think of this day there is no sand in that scar.  Its open and raw just as it was that day.  But then I remember all the love that was poured out to me and my kids.  That love was just like the sand, it came in and filled all the cracks of those scars.  It brought healing.  Of course I remember, but now I can have those memories without too many tears.  I can remember with laughter all the funny things that he did, and there were many!

Luke 6:21 (NIV)

21

Blessed are you who hunger now,

  for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are 

you who weep now,

  for you will laugh.

Whatever sadness, loss or grief you have in your life; cry!  Weep for what was let the wound be open.  But then you need to let the healing water flow over you and let the sand fill all the cracks of your scar.  Whether the healing water and sand be friends that want to help you or family that want to love you….just let them.  One day you will wake up and realize that your tears have turned to laughter.  You are having more days filled with memories that warm your heart instead of ripping it out.  Just like when you cut your finger, healing takes time.  I will not say time heals all wounds, but I can say for me, God has been merciful.  He has allowed me to feel it all; the sadness, the happiness, the tears, the smiles, even the laughter.  It doesn’t mean I feel or remember him less, it just means God has helped me, even carried me, through those hard days.  Does this mean I won’t have bad days when I am so sad because I miss my best friend? No, I will allow myself that!  But I thank God for lifting me up and pulling me up even when I felt like I couldn't be raised up. I am letting the love of God fill up the cracks in my heart!  And just like sand it is so abundant I can’t count it.  It flows over me just like the water at the ocean.

As I watched the sun come up from my balcony, it was so radiant upon the water.  I imagine that is what our heart and soul is like when we accept the love of Jesus and He shines upon us.  We can bask in the healing of his smile, shining radiantly in our life.   On Sunday I choose to remember Danny with smiles and laughter not with tears, that is what he told me before he died, “Don’t cry for me!”  I choose to continue to let that healing take place and to let that scar make me a kinder, more generous person!  I will get rid of any bitterness or resentment or anger in my life.  I will forgive others and I will apologize!  I choose to let the love of God wash over me and fill all those crevices with Gods sand!  I will treasure the relationships God has entrusted to me and I will not take them for granted.  I will be courageous!

And as long as I have breath, I will take pleasure in the smiles that warm me and in the hugs that always say “I love you”

Every day we are called to do small things with great love…

Mother Teresa

We are having our family get-together over Labor Day weekend this year (Saturday, August 30, Sunday, August 31, and Monday, September 1 which is Labor Day).   Amy wanted to host it at her house as we did the last year before Mommy and Daddy died so we discussed it last week during our sisters' week and we agreed that we would do that.

 

We will have the main event on Sunday, so people can travel on Saturday and Monday.

 

We can use both houses to stay at as we did before.   I figured all the older folks could stay at my house and the younger ones at hers cause they can bring sleeping bags and sleep on the floor since she has carpet, but we need to know who plans to come (and when) so we can arrange sleeping for everyone and so we can plan food for the different meals. 

 

We want to do the White Elephant gift exchange also, so bring your presents.

 

Please inform your own family.

 

Please let us know as soon as you know whether or not you are coming and when.  We will let you know what you need to bring.  More to follow!

Voice 003.m4a

We saw the Newsboys preform this in February at Winter Jam.  The lead singer, Michael Tait, wrote this in memory of his mother.  She had a passed away a few months earlier.  If you didn't know, his sister is Lynda Randall that sings with the Gaither's at their get-togethers.  As I listened to the words that night it reminded me so much of Grandma.  Hope you guys like it :)




http://youtu.be/9vjyq02xBSk