Don't Blink

Don’t Blink

He was that little blond haired boy with light blue eyes.  Big smile that would reach all the way to his ears.  Mischievous twinkle peeking out from under those long eyelashes.  There he is reaching out for a hand to hold.  He needs someone to guide him to show him the way.  And at 2 years of age he accepts.  He struggles to keep up with his sister and big brother but he succeeds!  He most often misses their mark but makes his own.  He has been making his own mark ever since.  He marches to the beat of his own drum...I could rattle old cliches a page long.  

I blinked and there was that same little boy with the blond hair, blue eyes, and mischievous twinkle only instead of reaching for a hand he is pushing it away.  Instead of asking someone to guide him he is forging ahead making his own way.  He no longer is the “little” brother.  He has inches and pounds on both his big brother and big sister.

I read somewhere this morning that as parents we should raise our children that we have, not the children we thought we would have.

I always thought my kids would be the same.  But they are so different.  They all like different things.  They react to everything in different ways.  The only thing they do share that I know is the same are memories of Danny, grand parents and church.  And even those will be remembered differently.  God has made all of my kids unique; all different, all perfect in his sight and of course perfect in mine.  Its been 2 years of new beginnings, endings, just life going on.  So this week as everyone posts their first day photos I can't help but think of the changes in his life as he starts the 10th grade.  I know with every new thing in my life I think of Danny so I know he must think of him on this first day of being a sophomore.  Many may say not so much of a milestone but every first that we muddle through without him is a great accomplishment.  This one just puts us a little closer to graduation day.  I know there will be ups and downs this year but my prayer is for more ups than downs!

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it

Sand

Many are the grains of sand in a 3 minute timer.  I wonder sometimes how many.  These are the things that wander around in my head.  Of course I googled it.  3 minute timer= 250,000 grains of sand.  An hour glass? 5,000,000.  So as I sit on the beach with the Atlantic Ocean at my feet, these are the thoughts running around in my head.  So how many grains of sand in the ocean?  I am sure there is a mathematician out there somewhere that can figure that out.  There is an algebraic equation for it!  You take the size of a grain of sand and then do a song and dance with a page or two of figures and there you will have your answer.

With my toes buried in the sand I claimed my small portion of the beach. I watched as people came and went;  just like the waves.  There were people of all sizes; big, small, short, tall, white, black, brown, red, tattooed, pierced, young, old, from babies in their mothers arms to grandmothers on walkers pushing their wheels in the sand to catch a glimpse of the ocean view just one more time.  As I sat there the waves came in and lapped up against me.  I could feel the tension leave as the waves went back out to sea.  I tried to leave all my worries and problems at home like everyone else when they go on vacation but they always follow you.  But when you sit there your problems and worries kind of become like grains of sand.  First they are too numerous to count and 2nd they are hard to keep track of and count because we can’t keep up with them.  As the water comes in, it brings new sand and as it goes out, it takes sand with it.  Always moving.  Well thats kind of how my problems or worries felt.  The longer I sat the more I could feel at ease.  The problems of life seem to fade away into the ocean leaving a feeling of calmness, not that I had accomplished anything, but somehow when you look into the vastness of the ocean and you look to the horizon and there is no end, your problems just don’t seem so big.  You know there is something bigger out there besides your little world.  I walked along the beach for many miles.  I looked into many faces; talked to many.  Never got a name but did share a smile, sometimes humor.  I always wondered what was behind their smile, behind their eyes.  What skill did they possess?  Were they heart surgeons, brain surgeons, lawyers, CEO, trash collector, did they perhaps deliver the mail in the same corporate office that the man walking beside me is a CEO?  Here at the beach everyone is the same.  No ties or coveralls, no name tags.  No way of knowing what your calling is in life unless you tell.   Are you happy or sad?  Lonely?  Rich?  Poor?  Homeless? Catholic?  Baptist?  Atheist?  So many questions but here, in the sand, does it matter?  I decided NO!  I tried to let the concerns of my life fade away with the ocean.  I watched the sun come up with thousands of people.  I saw the reflection on the water and on the surface everything was perfect; no ripples.  It reminded me of life.  Many times we reflect life around us and on our surface, life appears perfect to those that just come to watch from a distance.  But when you get a little closer you begin to see imperfections.  The ripples.

As I got farther down the shore my feet began to hurt from walking on the tiny crushed shells.  The water began to take on different shades of blue; depending on which way I was looking at it.  Then with closer inspection I saw lots of activity going on that didn’t first appear.  The sea gulls would wait for the waves to come in then go out so they could snatch the little sand crabs up and eat them.  I saw the dolphins swim in and out, up and down, following the schools of fish.  They would charge full steam ahead splitting the waters and the fish would flop high into the air twisting and wiggling.  The pelicans would swoop down and catch them; All within seconds!  Changing the lives of these creatures but yet it was a continuous cycle over and over, never changing!  It was quite amazing. And this is all that I could see.  Just imagine the activity of marine life that goes unnoticed.  Thank god I didn’t see any sharks, but I know they are there.  No whales, crabs, clams, jelly fish, star fish just to name a few.

Aren’t we similar.  To most people when they peek into someone else's life, they see the surface.  No ripples.  But then we start to notice the little things, the imperfections, the things below the surface.  And just like with the dolphins and fish flopping, thats when we begin to see the real beauty of that person.  All of their little quirks and imperfections become what we love about that person.  God has made us all unique and individual.  He knew us in the womb, knows the hair on our head.  He knows our quirks, our abnormalities!  He created us.

Matthew 10:29-30(NIV)

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[a] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

I try to control every aspect of my life by making lists, making plans, following rules but I am reminded everyday that sometimes I am just like those grains of sand that flow in and flow out.  I can’t control it all. Sometimes there is a bigger picture.  Like the sand in the hour glass, my life sometimes goes up and down, turns over, same routine, same problems, same solutions.  But then once in a while I see the sand in a whole new setting, like the ocean, where the vastness takes the sand to a whole new level.  When I sit there so small and the ocean so big my problems seem small.  The answers are staring me right in the face.  I know what to do. I just have to do it.  I am not in control.  When I see that great big ocean I realize God is in control of it all.  Even when I feel it is out of control…He is controlling it.

Just like he cares for that little sparrow, he cares for me and every detail of my life.  He cares that I have the time to nourish 2 friendships that sometimes get put on a back burner because of family obligations or work.  He cares that I have time to make new memories with sisters that I rarely see.  He cares enough that He could make time for me to have a cup of coffee with a friend when we are headed in two different directions amidst two busy lives and schedules.  He sees the opportunity when we don’t. He sees the big picture.  We are like grains of sand flowing in and out. We can’t keep track of it all but God can.

Matthew 10:31 (NIV)

31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows

As the water washed over me I could feel all of lives heartaches and cares wash out to sea.  My body ached from the disease and it’s addiction to steroids; and every day as I decrease the prednisone I am reminded of my dependency on it.  But at that moment, the waters felt so healing both physically and emotionally.  There is just something about being at the beach that can take you away from life, away from worry, away from sadness, away from loss and yes away from grief.  If we let that tide that brings the sand also bring that healing water, we begin to heal.  It takes away the old brings in the new and all that sand begins to fill those tiny little crevices that have left holes in our hearts and soul.  They become scars where we once loved but lost.  Scars that remind us we loved deep and true.  Scars that remind us we loved once and yes we would love again. Do these scars disappear?  No!  But they do fade.  These same scars make us stronger, physically and emotionally.

Sunday,  August 3rd, is 2 years since I last saw the face of the one I carry in my heart now.  When I let my self think of this day there is no sand in that scar.  Its open and raw just as it was that day.  But then I remember all the love that was poured out to me and my kids.  That love was just like the sand, it came in and filled all the cracks of those scars.  It brought healing.  Of course I remember, but now I can have those memories without too many tears.  I can remember with laughter all the funny things that he did, and there were many!

Luke 6:21 (NIV)

21

Blessed are you who hunger now,

  for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are 

you who weep now,

  for you will laugh.

Whatever sadness, loss or grief you have in your life; cry!  Weep for what was let the wound be open.  But then you need to let the healing water flow over you and let the sand fill all the cracks of your scar.  Whether the healing water and sand be friends that want to help you or family that want to love you….just let them.  One day you will wake up and realize that your tears have turned to laughter.  You are having more days filled with memories that warm your heart instead of ripping it out.  Just like when you cut your finger, healing takes time.  I will not say time heals all wounds, but I can say for me, God has been merciful.  He has allowed me to feel it all; the sadness, the happiness, the tears, the smiles, even the laughter.  It doesn’t mean I feel or remember him less, it just means God has helped me, even carried me, through those hard days.  Does this mean I won’t have bad days when I am so sad because I miss my best friend? No, I will allow myself that!  But I thank God for lifting me up and pulling me up even when I felt like I couldn't be raised up. I am letting the love of God fill up the cracks in my heart!  And just like sand it is so abundant I can’t count it.  It flows over me just like the water at the ocean.

As I watched the sun come up from my balcony, it was so radiant upon the water.  I imagine that is what our heart and soul is like when we accept the love of Jesus and He shines upon us.  We can bask in the healing of his smile, shining radiantly in our life.   On Sunday I choose to remember Danny with smiles and laughter not with tears, that is what he told me before he died, “Don’t cry for me!”  I choose to continue to let that healing take place and to let that scar make me a kinder, more generous person!  I will get rid of any bitterness or resentment or anger in my life.  I will forgive others and I will apologize!  I choose to let the love of God wash over me and fill all those crevices with Gods sand!  I will treasure the relationships God has entrusted to me and I will not take them for granted.  I will be courageous!

And as long as I have breath, I will take pleasure in the smiles that warm me and in the hugs that always say “I love you”

Every day we are called to do small things with great love…

Mother Teresa

We are having our family get-together over Labor Day weekend this year (Saturday, August 30, Sunday, August 31, and Monday, September 1 which is Labor Day).   Amy wanted to host it at her house as we did the last year before Mommy and Daddy died so we discussed it last week during our sisters' week and we agreed that we would do that.

 

We will have the main event on Sunday, so people can travel on Saturday and Monday.

 

We can use both houses to stay at as we did before.   I figured all the older folks could stay at my house and the younger ones at hers cause they can bring sleeping bags and sleep on the floor since she has carpet, but we need to know who plans to come (and when) so we can arrange sleeping for everyone and so we can plan food for the different meals. 

 

We want to do the White Elephant gift exchange also, so bring your presents.

 

Please inform your own family.

 

Please let us know as soon as you know whether or not you are coming and when.  We will let you know what you need to bring.  More to follow!

Voice 003.m4a

We saw the Newsboys preform this in February at Winter Jam.  The lead singer, Michael Tait, wrote this in memory of his mother.  She had a passed away a few months earlier.  If you didn't know, his sister is Lynda Randall that sings with the Gaither's at their get-togethers.  As I listened to the words that night it reminded me so much of Grandma.  Hope you guys like it :)




http://youtu.be/9vjyq02xBSk

And you should be!  Way to go Emily!

Haha Mommy...actually, 192 is passing, 220 is average, and anything over 240 will allow you to interview for whatever specialty you want (and 260 is pretty much the top end). I ended up with a 249! So, same basic principle but different numbers. ;) Either way, I am really excited!

Congratulations Emily!!  We are so proud of you :)

Emily

Emily just called. She got her step scores back for med school.   Passing is 180. Average is 240 exceptional is 260. She scored 289!  She said she could get into any field she wanted probably with that score!  Woohoo!  

http://youtu.be/0-Mr2pmuad4

Danny, Ruth, great to see pictures of the baptism! Wish I could have been there. Thank you Trish, for posting them. Lonnie, here's wishing you a Happy Birthday. Hope you took the day off to celebrate . . .but then you probably didn't . . . bet you worked hard all day. Hope everyone had a great 4th.

Danny Cadle is one more that Mommy claimed for the cause of Christ!  We see her prayers come to fruition before our very eyes!  Praise the Lord!

Lonnie's veggies

Reunited

After 48 ½ years on this earth I know to look both ways when crossing the road.  I know you shouldn’t stick things in electrical outlets.  I know better than to argue with a small child, because I’m not going to win.  Sorry to say I have learned these things by trial and error.  No…I haven’t been run over because I didn’t look both ways, but almost!  As I was driving on my way to work I reminisced about life.  If things were different, what would I be doing today?  I would be boarding a cruise to Alaska!  We made plans, Danny and I did for our 30^th wedding anniversary.  June 30^th 1984 we said I do and through many ups and downs we celebrated 28 years together.  I still celebrate the years God gave us and I am sure I always will.  Even as I move on with my life the important dates still come and go.  Birthdays, anniversaries, new jobs, kids birthdays, and then later cancer diagnosis, surgery dates, chemo, radiation, the day hospice was called in and the day he died;  All dates no one should have to go through.  But we do.  Seems like we go through everything, life, death, grief…we can’t skip any part of it, we actually have to go through to get through.  And we do…we get through it.  But just like the little things we learn in life about crossing the road, the things that keep us safe, we also learn other things in life and death.  The most important thing I have learned with the time God has given me is to trust him.  It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it!  The other thing I have learned is to learn to love and cherish the ones God has given us!

We aren’t perfect, none of us are.  We all have our faults and our little habits that probably drive the one we love and the one that loves us most crazy!  But we accept it and dig a little deeper.  That one that God has given you is special in so many ways.  I think of my mom and dad who shared 70 years together and I think of how many ups and downs they must’ve faced.  When they married in 1940 and when they passed in 2010 they weren’t the same two people.  Life happened.  12 kids happened.  They struggled through job loss, death of parents, death of children; no one stays the same after that!  Thank God Danny and I didn’t experience the death of a child, but we mourned my parents and I thank God that he was there for me during that time.  The fact of life is that when we change in our marriage whether it be illness, grief…whatever it is…you change to help your spouse, that’s what we do.  We adapt.  Sometimes that means we have to do things we might not ordinarily do but because we love…we do!

1 John 3:18 (NIV)

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

We forgive when we think we can’t or shouldn’t…because Christ forgave us and does every day.  We mess up, we ask forgiveness and He gives it!  Daily!

I wish in life that you could see what I see.  That little disagreements, even big disagreements, they don’t matter.  If you are willing to forgive, love will find a way.  Love will take you over!  If you can remember why you fell in love you can find a way past the hurdles and road blocks.  They are all just trials that make your relationships stronger.  After 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years, and 70 years you look back on the hard times, those times that maybe you didn’t like your spouse very much but deep down you did love them and eventually you find each other again but you have to persevere!

The greatest thing God gave us is each other.  Respect it.  Love it.  Forgive it and love it some more!  Because, trust me, after they are no longer here you look back and say, “I could have loved a little more!  I could have tolerated a little more!  I could have given in just that one time.”  When the family is broken apart the devil wins.  I thank God for my 28 years that I was blessed with my complete family.  I will continue to thank God for my family, it’s just we are at different addresses.  He is in Heaven; we are Dawson, Charleston, Athens and who knows where else by the time we leave this earth.  But one thing is for sure, we will be reunited…it may take a while but we will be reunited.  For those of you still in one location here on this planet my prayer is for you to find-or refind- your spouse.  Don’t wait until you get to Heaven!

1 John 4:19 (NIV)

We Love because He first loved us

 

30 years ago