Windex

When you gaze out your window what do you see?  Today I see 2 feet of snow, the blustery wind blowing the dead tree limbs; reminds me of Winnie the Pooh.  I see cars creeping on my road, snowflakes blurring by as if in a hurry to go somewhere.  Everything is clean and pure…or so it seems.  There is a curve in the road that I can see, but I don’t see beyond that.  I don’t know what’s on the other side.   In my mind I see the garden with all of its left overs from fall that Jacob left there.  I believe the tiller is there still.  Also in my mind I see the tree that fell during the Derecho that Clarence cut up but is still laying there.  But with the snow all is beautiful, untouched almost magical.  All of those little snowflakes in a hurry flying past my window found a home. 

Now the sun is shining, same snow, different window.  There is a hawk flying, soaring, and gliding with the wind.  He looks as if he is floating not caring where he lands, just content to be.  Like someone else is guiding him but he has complete trust with the plan.  Now out my window the horizon is dotted with people; People moving swiftly in the snow as if to music in their mind.  Some moving swiftly in the snow, as if to music in their mind.  Some moving ever so slowly that I have to wonder is there any music at all.  Life’s a dance, there is always music and there will always be dancers.  As I danced down the tubing slope my mind and world began to whirl, and that was before I started to spin.  By the time I made it to the bottom, nausea had gripped me and I was very unsteady on my feet, head still swirling much like the aftermath of my car wreck.  So I moved inside and decided to resume my gazing from windows.  I watched as folks came down slopes on skis actually landing on their feet while others wiped out halfway down but they all eventually rested at the same place…the bottom.  I enjoyed chatting with the kids as they came in frozen to tell of their adventures all pretty much the same; you go up, you go down but yet uniquely different.  Each time they learned something new, Pull the scarf this way or hold the tube that way, dig the boot in at just the right time, made slipping down the slippery slope much easier and yes even more comfortable.  I sat by the fire, making new friends, some this was their first ever outing, and others a yearly treat, like ours.  Many church groups, lots of kids, lots of adults, lots of winter gear, boots, gloves, scarves, and masks.

As I watched from afar I tried to pick out members of our group but it was impossible.  Everyone looked essentially the same.  So I just watched them all.  I thought of my own life as I watched others.  Sometimes I feel like I am looking out my own window; the window of my soul.  Sometimes I feel disconnected even though it is happening to me.  I often just feel like an observer or bystander.  My head hurts, I’m confused or I should say I know what I want to say but I can’t get it out.  I can almost see the words but can’t get them out of my mouth.  So I act it out.  I eventually get the message across but Geez…As I look out the window of my soul I see things that look good and clean and pure just like as the snow covers everything, but deep down I know reality.  Things are messy and even dirty if you look close enough.  And just like the tiller that shouldn’t be there in my garden there is stuff in my heart that needs put away.  There is a place for it, but it isn’t there…in my heart where it gets in the way of my relationship with Christ.  Just like the snow, Jesus’ blood has covered all that stuff; made it pure and clean.  And as the hawk glides in the sky, floats along, that’s what I want to do.  I just want to spread my wings and glide this way and that way knowing the Heavenly Father is guiding me.  He has a plan for me just as I have quoted so many times in Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 9:14 He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge.

As I watched that bird glide with his wings stretched wide I could imagine finding rest in the arms of the Father.  No matter the circumstance, no matter what, I know He is going to open those arms and welcome me to come into His embrace.  He knows my path, my plan.

Psalm 62:2  He alone is my Rock and my salvation my fortress; I shall never be shaken.

My window sometimes becomes difficult to see out of.  It gets a film over it or becomes streaked; sometimes things are clear as I look and sometimes blurry.  But as I think of Jesus and all that he has done for me it all becomes clear.  Jesus is like the Windex for the window to my soul.  He cleans it up, removes the film.  He sees my heart all the way through the muck.  He sees through the cracks in the window panes.  He sees through the streaks where I have tried to fix my life myself, he looks past all that and sees himself because that’s who lives there.  This is what I have to do, we all have to do.  After we invite him in we have to let Him be the Windex, we have to stop trying to be the window washer on our own because we can’t do it.  He loves us, God loves us.  We are his little children.  We can get our finger prints, smudges, all over it but just let him clean it.  After all God is in control.  He knows the plan.  We just need to be the bird, float and glide, and like all birds do, we may crash into an occasional window, leave behind a little residue but that’s OK because God is in the clean up business.  He makes it all shiny! 

As we left that night I glanced out the window of the truck one last time.  I saw the empty slopes with nothing but tracks where we all had been.  Places we fell, but got back up. Places we wiped out but recovered.  There was fresh snow falling to cover it all, the lights along the top of the ridge illuminating it all, very sparkly and clean.  So like the way Jesus’ blood has covered all the tracks of our life, our sin.  We get back up and when we wipe out we recover. I hope in the tracks of our own life it will be like it was on that mountain.  If I fall I hope someone will stretch out a hand to help me up.  And if I am the one passing by I hope God gives me the grace to stop and help you up.  Jesus is the light that illuminates our life, the hills, and the valleys.  He is the light at every corner and every curve.  And unlike when I look out my window and see that curve in the road not knowing what lies ahead, I know what lies ahead of my life with Christ Jesus.   He is there Waiting on me, Ready to hold my hand, and wipe my tears.  Ready to just love me, no matter what.

The love of God so rich and pure, how measureless and strong.  It shall forever more endure, the saints and angels song.

1 John 4:16  And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.

Once Upon a Valentine

Once upon a Valentine’s Day not so long ago there was a kid and he fell in love.   That was 1982.  That Valentine’s Day there was a flutter just barely there in my heart.  One week later was his birthday; I gave him a birthday card.  The flutter began to grow.  There was a funeral of a dear friend and neighbor, Lovie Puckett.  I remember like it was yesterday.  The snow was pouring down and there at the cemetery he gave me his class ring.  That night in the snow storm we risked getting out there on the roads to go to our first movie, On Golden Pond.  I was 16.  I wasn’t allowed to date til I was 16 so this was all new territory for me.  I remember after the movie by the car that first kiss.  I think that’s when the flutter turned to flurry.  My dad was notorious for discipline and guns.  I recall the first time he came to my house, after church on a Wednesday night.  As we left the church I asked if he had heard of my dad?  I swear all the color drained from his face.  But they became fast friends.  We spent many date nights sitting on the porch in the glider.  Not very often alone.  Lots of little kids there.  Janet was 2 and always in between us.  I remember the day he asked Daddy for my hand in marriage.  We were sitting around the table in the kitchen and daddy didn’t even look up from his plate, he said simply, “Well I guess that’s one less mouth I’ll have to feed!”  We took that as a yes.  He worked during the summer putting up hay and with that hard earned money bought me a diamond engagement ring, Greenbrier Jewelers.  We rarely talked on the phone.  He hated the phone, never outgrew that.  But we did write letters.  Every day.  My bus driver, Sue Posten would take my letter to Smoot and he would walk up and get it and leave one for me on his way to night classes at the Community College.  Our engagement was short, but then it seemed like an eternity.  When you are 17 and ready to start your life a year feels like forever.  So I graduated in June, 1984.  Later that month June 30, 1984 we said I do.  No idea what we were going to do in life or how we were going to do it but what we did know was we were going to do it together, side by side. With God in the middle!  We spent one night in an old farm house in Crag Holler and then we moved in to our little house there at the corner of the interstate.  Only at that time there was no 64.  All a work in progress.  Much like us.   He got a job as night watchman for that project, and then got sick.  I can remember the night he had chest pain he could barely breathe.  He tried to walk up the steps of our little house all the while declaring he didn’t need an ambulance.  So I threw his butt in our little brown Subaru and hauled it to Fairlea.  In the fog.  Too foggy to fly, so he went by ambulance to UVA.  Endocarditis.  I was working at the radio station WYKM at that time.  When life happens you just go with it.  You know what is important in the big scheme of things and you kind of run on autopilot.  We spent 6 weeks at that place.  Everything they did made him sick.  A very long 6 weeks.  But he survived.  We survived.  I understand his dislike of medicine.  He was always in the middle of it.  From the time he was diagnosed with a murmur at a very young age, the heart surgery at age 11 and then valve replacement at age 18.  I understood.  So here we were, no insurance, and big hospital bills. So I decided if he wasn’t going to embrace medicine to keep him healthy, medicine was going to embrace him.  I went to nursing school.  It was never out of a desire of mine that I wanted to help mankind or anything like that.  It was purely selfish reasons.  I wanted to keep my husband alive. And it worked.  I monitored his Coumadin therapy.  I noticed illnesses before they got out of hand.  If he had not had that illness I probably never would’ve went to nursing school.  But God knew what He wanted for my life.  I didn’t.  We survived in that little shack with lots of love, very little money and great friends and family.  When the wind would blow it moved the curtains on the inside.  Water pipes would freeze right behind the coal stove.  For this reason I told him I would not have kids until we could move to a house that they wouldn’t become human popsicles.  But somewhere along the way, time started creeping up on me.  I thought we had to have kids.  And soon.  I mean I was going to be 25.  Oh my, just thinking about this now makes me laugh.  So of course we had no more money than when we started this marriage. And of course I was impatient.  He wanted to build, I wanted fast.  I knew if we built I would be old- like maybe almost 30 or something when we finally started our family. So like he always did, he gave in.  We bought a double wide and that was 1989.  Well Miss Emily came along 1990. And if anyone told me I could be as sick as I was during those 9 months I would never have believed them. The OB nurse actually changed my name because I fame in so frequently for IV fluids.  I became known as Mrs. Hutsenpuker!  Life has a way of throwing kinks into what we think will be easy or what we say that everyone is doing so why not us?  Not an easy pregnancy, but did I forget?  Yes. 1993 Tanner made his entrance. I puked the whole 9 months and then 3 weeks after he was born I had to have my gallbladder removed.  There was an evening I was having a gallbladder attack and the ambulance was called, I literally thought I was dying.  Here comes Lorrie and Jeffy Thomas.  They saw the ambulance from the interstate, so stopped to help.  People, good people, have been popping in and out of my life for so long.  And sometimes I get in a hurry just to get through something that I don’t slow down and enjoy my journey.  I don’t enjoy the folks God is placing in my path.  They are there I have no doubt for a purpose.  So I am slowing down.  I am enjoying the journey. Our family was complete.  Boy, girl-perfect.  Life became very busy, kids started school.  Danny drove to Clifton Forge, VA every day and I worked.  Grandma’s baby sat.  It worked.  When Tanner started Kindergarten and I came home I thought what now?  Here I am 32 years old and my kids are in school.  What do I do with my life if I don’t have little ones?  Well once again, Danny says “What?”  But he gives in anyway.  It wasn’t a hard decision.  1999 Jacob joined our family.  Then it was truly complete.  I had no time neither did Danny.  Sports, school, church, we were busy, but happy. We had all the normal things that come and go with having kids.  Illnesses; Emily had seizures or so we thought when she was 2, but that all checked out.  Inherited a weak pain threshold.  Hmmmmm who would’ve thought!  Danny held her while she slept for her EEG.   The ticking of his heart valve was often the only thing that would soothe that child.  After she was born I handed her off as soon as he came through the door and she hushed, just like magic.  Head on his chest.  Tanner has been the sickest of all three.  Croup as a baby.  ER many nights.  Midnight calls to Grandma Vivian to please pray.  Strep so many times that the tonsils came out.  Then when he was 8 we were on our way to a football game-peewee league- and noticed Tanner was a funny shade of yellow.  Thank God for doctors like Shawn Johnson, you know the kind that will pray with you, for you, and call ahead to the ER and tell them all about you.  He ended up in Roanoke, gallstones, huge ones! 

We tried to teach our kids important things in life all the while trying to follow Gods plan for our life.  We helped out in our church.  We were youth leaders, taught Sunday school, VBS, music, trustee; always there no matter what.  I didn’t realize it then, but not only were we there for the church, God was there for us.  Every time he delivered us from an illness, every day he kept us safe on the road, every day he kept my family safe He was there.  When I got sick in 2007 I didn’t understand why He didn’t just deliver me.  He had all those times before.  Danny always told me look for the good in everything.  Always.  He also told me to look for the good in everybody.

Once again we were getting ready for a ballgame and Jacob comes in my bedroom doubled over with pain.  I had a gut feeling.  So to the ER we went.  Appendix.  Another Doc Shawn moment.  Life, life, life…

When I quit work in 2004 to stay at home it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.  But once again God took care of us.  As I look back on it now, God was working a lot of things out then.  I got sick and couldn’t have worked, my mom and dad’s health declined and they needed my help for everything.  I was the closest of my siblings and it worked out.  Emily and Zac married in 2008 right after graduation.  Following in our footsteps.  How could we argue with that?  Daddy got cancer in Dec 2009, died in March 2010.  I had cataract surgery both eyes the same month, thanks to steroids.  Tanner’s senior year of high school, Jacob elementary, and Emily married and college, life did not slow down.

Mommy was heartbroken after daddy died and that December she joined him in Heaven.  I felt like an orphan.  Even surrounded by family there is no feeling worse than losing both of the parents that loved you no matter what you did.  That same December 2010, I tried experimental chemo for my auto immune disease.  In Jan 2011, that night Danny came in with that pea sized knot under his collar bone will forever be engraved upon my mind.  I had a gut feeling. I just knew!  February I got pneumonia and ended up in the hospital.  Results of chemo!  Weakened immunity.  Danny came every day and he was sick.  Sinus and cough!  Another Doc Shawn moment.  I made him go by the ER for my peace of mind.  And I remember telling Shawn, hey while he is there make sure you get that pea size knot.  Everything, of course, was ok.  I came home, his knot grew.  I went to the Cleveland clinic in March and then Danny decided to go see Dr. Hanes.  He wouldn’t go while I was there to be bossy!  By then it was a good size; golf ball.  She of course ordered CT and everything that should be done was done.  And the thing is, it wouldn’t have mattered what we did, the outcome would’ve been the same.

When we are born our days are numbered.  We don’t have the privilege of knowing when our days are up.  When Danny was born His days were numbered at 18,050.  No more no less.  We were blessed with so much happiness and goodness, God’s goodness.  There are no regrets. Only good memories, good kids that sometimes mess up.  But isn’t that the same way we are with God?  We mess up, He forgives us.  In our fairytale, mine and Danny’s, we had the opportunity to talk of many things.  We knew his time was limited.  But that is so for us all.  When we say goodbye in the morning to the one we love we don’t know that it won’t be our last.  So don’t waste any of your days.  If you love someone or even if there is just a little flutter tell them.  I am reminded today that life is short and did I tell that someone that Jesus loves them?  I know I did tell them of Jesus and what He did for me but did I tell them what He did for me He would do the same for them?  I didn’t.  And that is my regret.  I will live with that but I will not be defeated by it, because if I was the devil wins.  I will be a stronger Christian.  I will tell people that Jesus loves them.  If I am labeled as a fanatic then so be it!  That’s a cross I will gladly carry!  My days on earth have been 17, 577and I am not guaranteed 17,578 so while I am here I want to make them count, every last one of them!  So to my friends that read this I hope you all had that special Valentines date, complete with candy and flowers and maybe even jewelry.  Maybe you became engaged or even got married.  Or maybe you lost the love of your life today, a parent or child?  No matter if it is a new love, old love or lost love the one true love of your life is Jesus.  He is the one that can save you, give you eternal life and supplies that unconditional love that we think we give but in reality we don’t.  Because we are human.

 

1 John 4:7 (NIV)

Let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God

On this Valentine’s Day I don’t mourn my lost love.  I thank God for him and the way he loved me and the way he taught me to love.  He taught me to love him, our kids, other people, always finding the good in them.  So when I love today and every day in the future, I love with the love of Christ…and Danny.

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

⁸ Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ⁹ Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! ¹⁰ But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹² Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity, All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³ Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Snow Day

Snow days are good for many things;  Catching up on TV shows that have been DVRd for a whole year, cleaning house, cleaning out closets, catching up on thoughts, and yes perhaps even shoveling some snow.  Prednisone once again has by body and yes my mind held hostage.   My sugar is up because of it, I take a fluid pill now because of it, I have to watch every bite that goes in my mouth, and yeast has overwhelmed me not to mention what it does to my mental state and emotions.   Did I mention I hate prednisone?    Although in its defense I can get out of bed, walk through the house, go to work and all those things without pain.  Lots of time to think, thanks to the excess energy I have on steroids.  Pulling all nighters are easy to do.  The energy is there but man is it hard on the mind.  I did catch up on Facebook creeping.  Now come on y’all, you know you all do it.  But in real life you rarely have time.  You scroll and stop on the highlights, like a status, and occasionally comment, but who has time to creep!  Well when you’re up all night, you have time.  I reminisced old pictures!   That’s right, I creeped on my own stuff.  Stuff I forgot about but still hold close to my heart. Memories I had tucked away.  I began to let my memories resurface and found much pleasure in reliving them.  Not the pain I was afraid I would find.  That’s the good thing about memories.  They are always there when you need them.  Bringing us comfort, sometimes like a big hug sometimes like a balm or salve.  So as the snow came down I decided to man up and grab my shovel.  Yard stick says 15 inches.  I dive in and surprisingly it moves swiftly.  Danny would’ve loved it, and yes he would’ve shoveled with shorts on.  I managed to get halfway out my driveway and here comes a random person with a snow plow on their truck.  He started plowing me out.  Then here comes Randy Forren on the skid steer scooping up snow, and then here comes Christopher Martin with his two little girls dressed like snow bunnies to help him.  I got plowed out, car cleaned off and had time to spare.   In my house laundry was calling my name.  I worked on that for a couple hours and couldn’t get warm so I gave up, snuggled under a blanket and fell asleep.  For about ½ hour.  I thought how good my neighbors were to me!  What a blessing they were to me!

Mark 12: 30-31 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this, Love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no commandment greater that these.

My neighbors were doing their Christ like duty today.  And as darkness came, the roads cleared, I decided to venture out. So I headed out to visit Tina and Clarence.  Now anyone that knows where they live thinks I am nuts!  Up on top of the mountain but Tyler had cleared it off.  Old Blue went right up, but only about halfway.  Then I found myself zooming backwards down the hill praying all the time, “God get me off this mountain!”  A snow bank caught me, Thank God for that!  I managed to back all the way down and parked.  Then I decided to walk up.  Now this is a big mountain, but up I went.  My coat wouldn’t zip up, but I thought,  it won’t take long.  Halfway up and I fell flat on my butt.  I felt it jolt all the way to my head!  Slid right back down the hill, then I got back up and started again.  Once again I find myself on the ground, knees this time!  At this point I am thinking just go back down and go home.  But I moved closer to the ditch where I could dig my feet in and started the climb again.  A little more determined.  The wind is cold, it’s dark, but somewhere in the night I can hear Jesus saying you can make it, One foot in front of the other.  Up in the distance I can see the porch light and almost feel the warmth coming from the house.  And inside I know the aroma will be awesome.  That is the way heaven will be.  As I struggle up this mountain of life I can almost see the lights of home.  I feel the warmth of his love.  I see the smile on his face each time I get up after falling.  I can even smell the aroma of Heaven.  And O how sweet it is!  The things He has in store for me are phenomenal. I don’t want to miss out on even one thing.  But I have become comfortable in my own mess.  I haven’t fixed anything, I have adapted, it seems to be working so I let it.  I stay in my comfort zone, my rut, if you will and I don’t really life it, but I am afraid of change.  God is doing all He can to fix that and it all seems to be involving that danged old blue car.  Every time I get in it I wonder what I am going to be up against.  It is very unpredictable, yes that’s the word.  And to me that is interpreted as being scary.  Predictable is safe.  But a friend told me today it’s time to get unpredictable in my life.  I am thinking he is right.  After all how do I know what God has in store for me if I don’t get out there and be a little off the wall?  God is doing his part now it’s my turn.  I have to give back.  Pull that unpredictable card out and play it.  No matter what the outcome! Gods got my back!  The years take us far away from our child like faith, God is great, and God is good!  That’s where I need to go back to again.  All I have to do is say those words and I know He is still listening.  Our prayers don’t have to be long, eloquent, educated…God knows our hearts!  He knows the words in our hearts.  Sometimes all we can say is “God Help me!”  “God forgive me”  “God I messed up!  Fix me!”  The thing is, God hears it all!  We just have to speak it!  Even if it’s from our heart!  God is love…That’s predictable.  We need to take that love and do the unpredictable with it. That is what will win those broken souls to Christ.  When someone shows up to plow you out of the 2 ft of snow, just because; that’s unpredictable.  Or when someone sends you flowers just because…just because you are you!  Or maybe it’s a text to just see if you are still among the living.  Or are you having a good day?  Or, Hey, I am praying for you today!  Or maybe it’s a swift kick in the pants because you messed up.  As long as you do it with love it’s ok.  Now I know you all are thinking, yeah that was really predictable of her, another note!  But the best is yet to come!  Just watch out!  If my unpredictability and Gods will are lined up together?  It’s hard to tell what can happen! 

I did make it to the top of the hill.  Frozen nose and frozen toes!  And when I went in I wasn’t disappointed.  The aroma of bacon and French toast met my little frozen nose!  And the warmth of the home far exceeded my expectations. Not just warmth from the heat but warmth in a friends smile and touch and words that warm the heart.  And that is just like it will be in Heaven only greater.  I did snag a ride to the bottom of the hill from Clarence on the tractor, perfect ending to a perfect SNOW DAY!

Revelation 12:11

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony….

Out of Gas

Out of Gas

Cherish.  Beloved.  Shattered.  Broken.  Wasted.  I started with good intentions to write a Valentine note all about love.  But I can think of only the broken vows, the shattered dreams, the wasted time that I feel like I am drifting along.  My life feels meaningless.  I drift toward nothing.  The lonely ache in my chest just gets wider and wider deeper and deeper.  I wait.  I wait on a miracle that I am promised because He said nothing will be left unredeemed.  It’s hard to sing about His promises when you feel broken, shattered, and bitter!

As I swept the church after the funeral on Saturday all I could think of was this would have been something Danny and I would’ve done, together.  God it has been 18 months and my life is no where!  Then I hear that still small voice, “But you never know the miracle the Father has in store!”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

You know me; I always tell what’s on my heart.  That’s just who I am.  It all comes out.  My curse I guess, but I hate telling how broken and empty I am.  I hate to see it on paper.  It’s a reminder to me of how I let the devil infiltrate and penetrate my life.  And I don’t like it. But that’s where I am.  My life is broken and it’s all over the place.  I have no control over any of it (except the color of my hair!).  And as hard as it is I know…I know…I am not staying here.  I have been up before and I am going again.  I am going to that mountain top that God has promised me.  Where He held out His hand and helped me climb up.  I know He is with me now in my brokenness because He is the one wiping my tears.  He is the one who gives me that loving embrace time after tie.  I read that our trials make us stronger and that’s when we grow.  While I am here in this ditch, I am tired of growing and I am so tired of being strong.  I am tired of smiling though the tears when someone asks if I am OK because they don’t really want to hear the truth.  My heart breaks every day.  I cry every day, the morning, the afternoon, the night.  I cry for my loss.  I cry for others; my patients, my neighbors, my friends, friends I used to have but no longer do.  I cry for what the devil has tore apart and lies yet unredeemed.  I know the Bible tells me it will all be redeemed one day, but while we are here on earth in this crazy mixed up world, how do we go every day all day long.  It hurts.

1 John 3:18 (GW)

¹⁸ Dear children, we must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words.

In the words of Joel Osteen, “Even when nothing good has happened, believe that it’s going to turn around, God has done it for you in the past.  He’ll do it for you again.  Be a prisoner of hope.”

I know God will not leave all my mess unredeemed.

But sometimes you need a little help. 

“Sometimes we need a little help to get pulled out of the muck!”                  Ryan Longenette

And that’s where I am.  Stuck in the muck.  As bad as this day started after getting to church things changed.  But on my way to church I had a problem.  And I can share this with you because you are my friends.  Shoot, some of you may have been in this same predicament.  On Friday evening I was late leaving work.  I knew I was going to be late for the wake and services of Nance Helmick so I ignored the gas light that came on telling me, warning me, to get gas.  I thought to myself, in the morning.  The morning came.  I went up to the church to practice a song but no, I passed that gas station without stopping.  Then it was time for the funeral, I was late.  So no I didn’t stop.  Knowing I was low on gas, I asked a friend if I could ride to the cemetery with them.  So when I got back I was tired emotionally tired, not in the mood to get gas.  Well at 9pm that night I went back to the church to print bulletins, sweep up, things like that.  Before I knew it, it was after 10.  Gas station closed.  So Sunday morning, late again.  Didn’t stop.  And as I was driving I had this weird feeling as the car started to sputter that I wasn’t going to make it.  Now in all of my married life there were only 2 things that really irritated Danny about me.  Yeah, only 2 things.  I know you guys are shaking your head.  Anyway the 2 things were #1 being late, #2 having a gas gauge read below ½ tank.  Infuriated him.  So I am thinking he is sitting up there next to God saying, I told her so I told her so!  So I prayed, “Lord just get me to the church on time!”  End of prayer.  I made it!  Prayer answered.  I was blessed during church.  I sang my song and I know God was there.  I could feel Him.  So I went to start my car, but it didn’t want to start.  I should have left it but NO I had to try it one more time and it started.  I got about 2 miles down the road and that was it.  Not even a mile from the gas station.  So I managed to coast to the side of the road.  Got out and started walking.  I immediately thought, you got what you prayed for!  Why didn’t I pray to get to church AND home!  Pastor Vince and Michelle were right behind me, gave me a lift home.  Then here came Quinton to offer to help me out.  But I let Jacob and Garrett fix my mess.  But here were those friends helping to pull me out of the much that I am stuck in.  And yes, sometimes our muck is self inflicted, other times not.  God works in funny ways.  He uses people, people that we would never imagine.  He takes situations to teach us a lesson.

In my life I can say my gas light came on during the holidays starting around Thanksgiving.  I did have plenty notice.  I knew I needed to refuel.  And I tried.  I went to church sat there and listened soaked it up.  But every now and then I started to sputter; I knew it was getting low.  The weather turned bad, church was cancelled.  I didn’t reach out I just let emotions and memories engulf me.  And before I knew it I was stranded along the side of the road.  Out of gas.  And just like Sunday I had friends there to offer me a hand to pull me up out of the muck.  But in some instances they don’t know you need help unless you ask.  I am not always good at that.  I figure people have their own issues in life, their own problems, why do I need to add anymore?  But I am finding out that my strength is coming when I help someone else.  If I can offer a kind word, a shoulder to cry on, a hand out of the muck it takes my pain.  His strength is perfect when our strength is gone!  When we strengthen others; that is Christ working in us.  We can’t go wrong by helping someone.  If all we have is a smile, give it.  Jacob and Garrett fixed my gas problem.  All that took was a trip to Dawson gas station.  My other fuel problem is a little trickier but as the lyrics go to that old song we used to sing, “I get by with a little help from my friends”.  That’s how I am refueling.  Oh and of courses God!  So if there is one thing I learned it’s this; don’t run out of gas!  But more importantly don’t ignore the gas light when it comes on.

Acts 1:8 (NIV)

⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

The last time I checked in order to get to all those places, you need a full tank of gas!  Your physical tank and your spiritual tank.

I Googled Treadway tombstones and came across this.

Fear Not!

“Are You Afraid of the Dark?”  How many of you watched that?  I have to admit I did; even encouraged my kids.   actually I wanted to watch it but since it was a kids show on Nickelodeon I encouraged them to watch it with me.  Scary movies?  How many times have you seen “The Shining?”  And even though you know what’s going to happen, you jump out of your seat when it does?  Is it the adrenaline rush?  Or is it we know we are safe so it is ok?  I tend to go with the 2nd choice.  When we sit down to watch that movie or TV show or read that scary book we make sure our environment is safe.  Nothing is going to get us while we let our mind go down that scary path.

But how many of you are afraid of life?  Fear is a terrible thing.  It can cripple us if we let it.  My fears are many and I am constantly at battle with them.

Psalm 34:4 (NIV)

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

How easy it is to recite a scripture and know that’s what needs to be done; But how hard it is to do that.  My fears!  Wow it’s a long list.  And not only one list but two or three.  I have a list for home.  I am afraid of not being the best mom.  I am afraid of my house, my health, my bills, my job.  Do I do it accurately, am I competent?  Am I what they need when they need it?  Fear of failure at anything and everything.  My biggest fear though is not doing enough; enough for Christ. It’s so easy to get impassioned about something, to go at it full force, but then the excitement wears off, people get busy and you are left-alone.  But the need is still there.  God is still there, so where does that leave you, besides alone in the presence of the Lord.  Which is not a bad place to be, but when you are there and you feel inadequate and unworthy it is quite different than just going there to find rest.  There again is that word, fear! 

Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need

Yes, we need to go to Him and take Him all our fears all our weaknesses, which are many!  We all have them.  Even the little child knows that when they learn Jesus Loves Me, they are weak but He is strong.  Yes Jesus Loves Me!

Psalm 18^(NIV)

¹ I love you, Lord, my strength.

² The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I go to the Rock when I am afraid.  Fear does grip me and doesn’t like to leave me alone.  It comes when I am tired, when my mind is overwhelmed, when I try to think, when I am alone…The same time the devil likes to work.  They are one in the same.  We have to stand strong, not back down.  When fear gets in our face we have to grab Jesus, because He goes with us, and tell fear to leave us alone!

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

⁷ For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind

We have nothing to be afraid of.  I know, I have to keep saying that so I believe it!  As long as we have Christ on our side, we have already won the battle.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV)

¹³ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me

Armor All

“Armor All”

With the subzero temperatures and all of my car troubles of late, I have had a vision of a hot summer day, washing my car and then covering the inside with Armor All.  You know how we all like to put that protectant on our dash so when the sun comes through it doesn’t crack it.  There is not much you can put on for the winter temps.  We suit our vehicle up with snow tires and all that wintery stuff.  We make sure we are ready for whatever comes our way. 

Sunday our sermon was all about suiting up for Christ, Putting on the full armor every morning so we can be prepared for the devil and his many attacks on us.  I for one need all the help I can get.

Ephesians 6:10-11 (KJV)

¹⁰ Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

¹¹ Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil

The devil has been after me and I hate to admit it but yes, he has caught me!  He is very sneaky and I hope you guys are smarter than me.  I let my guard down.  I think well God talks to me so surely He will tell me when I am under attack.  But the funny thing about that is, I don’t always listen.  I know, I know!  I kick myself all the time!  I ask God questions, specific questions, and then I get too busy to even listen for the answers.  Time passes and I think, huh, did God ignore me!?  Then I think about it and realize I am the one doing the ignoring.  Since I have started my new job I have ignored a lot of people, a lot of things!  To you my friends, I apologize.   But I don’t know how to manage my time.  Just come to my house and you will see.  And since winter time has come my prayer life has suffered.  Oh I still pray, but I didn’t realize until recently that a lot of my walk was listening for His voice not just me talking to Him. So I know what I need to do, I know what I need to fix, but how do I do it?

“Your walk with God does not depend on people, places, things or events.”  Dr. Henry Brandt

I don’t think I can just pick up where I left off.  I have to start building that relationship back up.  Just like the other relationships I have ignored.  There aren’t any that I can think of that I could say; well I was busy for a while so you had to just sit here in a corner while I figured things out.  God didn’t wire us that way.  He is the only one we can abuse and go to every time with lame excuses and He accepts us.  When we get busy that’s when the devil slips in places that we aren’t’ fully armored up.  Even soldiers on the battle front have their weak spots.  There are tiny little spots that aren’t covered.  I try to hide the scripture in my heart so I am ready.  But sometimes I talk myself out of it.  Our fight against the devil is one of spiritual warfare.  Not of flesh and blood, but of good against evil.  In our society today we have begun to accept so much of the evil as normal that our standards are in jeopardy.  The devil really has an easy job.  Because not only are we not suited up against him, but we almost invite him in.  It’s not little cracks for him but big holes.  We let big gaps of our life fill up with immorality and that just paves the way.

Ephesians 6:12-17 (KJV)

¹² For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

¹³ Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

¹⁴ Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

¹⁵ And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

¹⁶ Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

It’s time we “Armor All” ourselves as well as our dash.  We are the steering wheel of our life, let’s shine it up!

 

 

For Nancy

For Nancy,

I am reminded today at just how precious life is.  How fragile and short.  God gives us a short time here on earth to touch the lives of a few or for some~many. We get to know them, learn to love them and then we have to let them go.   After all they are not ours to keep.  The Father loans them to us.  To love and cherish, just for a short time.  But we are not promises tomorrow.  Just today.  Right here, right now. 

^{James 4: 13-14 (NIV)}

¹³ Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

And that is why we have to make the most of the time we have.

Proverbs 17:17a (NIV)

¹⁷ A friend loves at all times

That was Nancy.  No matter where or when I saw her she had a hug and a kiss for me. When I was in high school I had the privilege of babysitting her girls, if that’s what you call it when they are only a couple years younger than me!  It was more like a pajama party every night.  Then of course as life does, it got busy.  My family grew, theirs did too.  But whenever I would see her, even if months or years had passed, she always had a smile, hug and a kiss. How are the folks?  How are the kids?  Always catching up!  The last few weeks after I found out about her illness, I had the chance on several occasions to visit and we hashed out chemotherapy stories.  She always had fond and loving words for her girls and grandkids and of course Buck!  The last time I saw her she hugged me and kissed my forehead and told me how much she loved me and thanked me for taking care of her girls all those years ago.  Called me her angel!  That makes me laugh through the tears because by now she is sitting beside Danny and I know he is telling her the truth that, Hey I am many things, but angel I am not! 

My prayer for you dear family, her girls, Sherry and Margaret, know you were loved by her.  Even when you weren’t there you were always in the conversation.  Take comfort in knowing she loved the Lord and I have no doubt is in Heaven singing with the angels in her now body, feeling no pain.  And in the days ahead when you are lonely or missing your mom, please reach out to your friends and family.  There will be many days and nights that you wonder how do you go on and what do you do?  Call upon Jesus during those times.  He will hold you in the palm of his hand.

 

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

I learned tonight of her love of angels.  I am sure she was surrounded by them in the hours before she was called home.  She was not alone, Jesus was there calling her home.  Ever so gently he was calling her to Him.  And she didn’t hesitate, she said, “Lord, I am ready to go home!”  And that is where she is resting right now!  In the arms of Jesus.  Take comfort and draw strength from that!  You will see her one day…on Heavens bright shore. 

^{Isaiah 40:31}

³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

My Beloved (Kari Jobe)

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

Nancy Helmick died yesterday. Bucks wife. Lung cancer.  Wake Friday night funeral Saturday. 

Danny's heart beat❤